911 Calls for 1/15-1/24

Friday, Jan. 15
- 3:08 a.m. – A man called 911 to report an incident of disorderly conduct, stating that his brother was drunk and attempting to “fight around with everybody.” At 3 a.m.? I don’t care what you’re drinking, if it’s that early I think whatever the disagreement is can wait at least until sunrise.
- 7:11 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 dispatchers that two young males were sitting on a bench in front of the Old World Deli with “black hoods and full black face masks.” The reporting party evidently pulled into the parking lot and the two took off on foot. Another note, the caller noticed this suspicious activity around 4 a.m., but then went home, went back to sleep and “urgently” called the cops three hours later to report the incident.
- 3:45 p.m. – A rare “purse-snatching” was called into 911, with the female caller stating that she suspects an unidentified couple “playing video games” at The Cove took off out the emergency exit with her purse – which was sitting on the ground next to the booth.
- 6:48 p.m. – A woman dragged a “little kid” into the Lake County Sheriff’s Office for a chat with the authorities after the youth allegedly threw an “iceball” at her car’s windshield while she was driving by the hospital. After much deliberation, deputies agreed the menace should be locked up and the key thrown away for the betterment and protection of society. I’m just joking, of course, no charges were filed.
I’m sure this kid won’t forget that afternoon anytime soon. A similar incident happened to another guy I know, who will remain anonymous. On a playground in the south in the early 90’s, a certain youth took advantage of a rare snow day and proceeded to launch snowballs at other children and monitoring school staff. This defiant act granted the hooligan his first of few trips to the ominous “Principal’s Office.”

Saturday, Jan. 16
- 1:15 a.m. – An anonymous female called 911 to report that a woman wearing a white shirt, of whom the caller had “heard” was “wanted by Lake County for murder charges”, is currently sitting in the South Shore bar. After a brief scan of alleged woman’s record, authorities found no such charges, warrants, or criminal record. Wow, that’s a pretty vicious rumor, ‘Hey cops, I heard this lady done and killt somebody—picker’up!’
- 7:03 a.m. – A Charlo area man dialed 911 to report a pair of “prowlers” on his property who ran off, got into trucks, and drove off toward the Bison Range. This was a false alarm, as the reporting party is a regular caller to the dispatch center and known to be of the paranoid schizophrenic variety. So yes, either he ran off some imaginary prowlers or his neighbors.
- 4:30 p.m. – The boyfriend of a girl who was allegedly assaulted on a school bus trip called 911. The concerned caller reported to dispatchers that his girlfriend had been dangling the drawstrings of her “hoodie” in the face of another girl on the bus who was asleep at the time. The girl then awoke, startled, and subsequently pimp-slapped the prankster in the face.
- 7:12 p.m. – A man reported to 911 that a friend of his had just accidently “discharged a gunshot into his foot” and was on the way to the hospital. Ouch!

Monday, Jan. 18
- 4:17 p.m. – A concerned aunt reported to 911 that her 11-year-old niece had just been “assaulted” by an unknown former neighbor of the child’s mother at the Sports Page “bowling alley.” Assault at a bowling alley, really? What is this, the Cohen Brothers’ movie “The Big Lebowski”?

Tuesday, Jan. 19
- 12:18 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 a noise disturbance around midnight, stating that that two young boys, who looked to be around 10, were outside her 3rd Avenue home on their push scooters “popping off rounds with their BB guns.”
- 9:14 a.m. – A woman called 911 and reported that she may have been scammed when she recently purchased a Polaris ATV from a Tennessee man on the internet classifieds site Craigs List. First off, if you’re from Montana and you have to get on Craigs List and go as far as Tennessee to get a four-wheeler then you kind of deserve it. I mean, this IS Montana. Just throw a rock and you’ll hit a pair of them loaded in the back of a Dodge Super-Duty.
- 5:57 p.m. – A clearly intoxicated man called 911 and reported to dispatchers that there are “drug people on his street.” When asked follow-up questions for more specifics the drunk dialer got agitated and shot back “quit asking me all these goddamn questions!” Hours later when the caller sobered up he called back to 911 and apologized for his shortness.

Thursday, Jan. 21
- 11:53 a.m. – A Mud Lake Trail man reported to 911 that he just found drugs on his porch and that it was either “hash or marijuana.” The caller added that whatever it was it’s making “his tongue swell up.” He then stated “if this is what I think it is the Ronan schools need to be swept through right away!”
Okay, okay, back it up…how exactly did this substance you found on your porch make your tongue swell? Did you pick up the possible drugs off the ground and put them in your mouth?
Responding deputies found what appeared to be some form of homemade popcan pipe. And yes, please do alert the National Guard stat!

Friday, Jan. 22
- 1:51 p.m. -- A man dialed 911 and requested to speak with an officer regarding “an item he wished to return to Dempsey’s” pawn shop. Yes, afterall the Sheriff’s Office should definitely be contacted right away in instances where one may find an establishment’s return policy debatable.
- 5:45 p.m. – The earlier caller from the Charlo area called back 911 and blurted “I’ve been robbed!” The man then paused and said “wait…maybe not, I’ve found it” and then hung up.

Saturday, Jan. 23
- 6:36 a.m. – A man reported to 911 that there was a car running in the yard of his Terrace Lake Road residence with its lights off, and offered to go check it out with his “flashlight and gun.” 911 dispatchers told the man to definitely not do that and to stay put. The vehicle took off and officers were unable to locate.
- 3:54 p.m. – A Polson woman called 911 and told dispatchers that “some morons came by earlier and gave her paperwork” – which she stated she had thrown out.

Sunday, Jan. 24
- 1:07 a.m. – Grocery store staff reported to 911 that three juveniles had been caught attempting to steal an 18 pack of Bud Light from Harvest Foods.
- 1:14 a.m. – An anonymous caller reported to 911 “two huge guys at the South Shore groping females”, adding that the men were kicked out of the bar but were now “swinging around 2x4s in the parking lot.”
And that kids, is why you never lace your steroids with crack. Just take Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco’s word for it folks – the combo actually reverses human evolution back to the age of the Neanderthals. Kind of like those Geico caveman commercials, except not funny.

Calls for 12/24-1/7

Thursday, Dec. 24 – Christmas Holiday Recap
- 9:41 a.m. – A Polson woman called 9-1-1 and reported that the phone lines to her house “have been cut.” The caller added that she suspects “the people from the liquor store across the street” are the culprits at the center of this scheme. It’s called paying your phone bill, and maybe if you spent less time “across the street” you’d know that.

- 8:25 p.m. – A male caller reported to 9-1-1 that there is a man on his Valley Creek Road property “shooting at anything and everything.” Good thing Santa pimped his sleigh “ride” and equipped his reindeer with bullet-proof vests after last year’s close call.

Friday, Dec. 25
- 6:08 a.m. – 9-1-1 dispatchers received an anonymous report of suspicious activity on a Polson rooftop. Officers reportedly found evidence of footprints and believe there was an attempt of possible entry. Aw yes Chris Cringle, our favorite annual neighborhood prowler, has returned.

Thursday, Dec. 31 – New Year’s Recap
- 3:14 a.m. – A woman called 9-1-1 requested an officer’s assistance as reportedly a “heavyset shirtless drunk male” attempted to break-in to her Bear Track Avenue home. The caller also observed the man fighting with a skinnier male on her property earlier before running him off. The reporting party added that the male is now sitting by her back door “howling and barking at the moon.”

- 12:19 p.m. – A Polson woman (who will remain nameless but is no stranger to the history of the Blotter) called 9-1-1 to report to dispatchers that she had “borrowed smokes from a 19-year-old boy.”

- 1 p.m. – A male member of a Polson church reported to 9-1-1 that they had caught a juvenile male community service worker pick-pocketing over $100 from church members while doing his community service hours.

- 7:58 p.m. – A Ronan police officer received a report of 3 juveniles drinking in a vehicle near Harvest Foods. Upon further investigation, the teens turned out to be drinking Rockstar energy drinks. Loads of sugar and caffeine, but no booze.

Friday, Jan. 1
- 2:10 a.m. – A woman called 9-1-1 and requested to be contacted by an officer regarding “being abused by her doctor.” An officer responded to dispatch that the caller was a known person of “mental health issues” and the recurring claims were false. The caller rang 9-1-1 again not much later adding “you better get somebody down here, this guy has lots of patients and could hurt a lot of people.”

- 2:44 a.m. – A man reported to 9-1-1 that there is a man who says his name is “Bruce” who seems out of it and hanging out on the caller’s porch. The reporting party told dispatchers he doesn’t know the man or why he’s on his porch and, reportedly, Bruce told the caller he wasn’t sure why he was on the porch either.
- 4:41 a.m. – A report of disorderly conduct was called into 9-1-1 dispatch as a fist-fight including multiple people had broken out in front of the Pablo Fire Hall.

- 9:11 a.m. – A male caller reported to 9-1-1 that a man just tried to enter the residence by breaking out the windows in his trailer with a steel post. The caller said he chased the culprit from the premises and out of Northwood Trailer Park.

- 7:59 p.m. – A man called to 9-1-1 citing a story in the paper about a string of vehicles being “paintballed” and wanted to report his vehicle on 12th Avenue as yet “another victim” of the local paintball hoodlums.

Tuesday, Jan. 5
- 10:38 a.m. – An anonymous female from Salish Kootenai College reported to 9-1-1 that she had just been offered “hasheesh.” That’s right, a college student was offered pot – hold the presses.

Wednesday, Jan. 6
- 6:39 a.m. – A woman reported to 9-1-1 that her neighbors’ car lights “have been on all night” and wanted an officer to go over and have them shut off. The responding officer confirmed that the neighbors had just been warming up their car for about 15 minutes and it “had not been all night.” A crabby neighbor alert was officially issued for the 200 block of 9th Avenue in Polson.

Thursday, Jan. 7
- 3:13 a.m. – An Arlee woman reported to 9-1-1 that she had just encountered “a prowler” on the unregulated free classifieds website “Craigs List.” Nooooo way?! Not a predator on a shady internet site after 3 in the morning?

- 10:44 a.m. – A Polson property manager for an apartment complex on 11th Avenue called 9-1-1 and requested the sheriff’s “drug dogs” to do a sweep of the units on the property. Ace local canine cop “Kilo” replied with a vigorous wag of the tail that roughly translates to ,“Hell Yes.”

911 calls from 11/26-12/8

Thursday, Nov. 26
- 2:28 p.m. – A woman came into the sheriff’s office to report an instance of suspicious activity. The woman advised deputies that some computers “mysteriously” showed up at her Main Street residence.

- 5:54 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 dispatchers that her home had been broken into and that “a lot of her son’s rings” had been stolen. That’s plural on the “rings.” Hmmm…I’m just thinking unless he’s a jeweler or a mystical hobbit named Frodo, a fella should have one, maybe two rings at the most.

Friday, Nov. 27
- 12:08 a.m. – A woman called in a noise disturbance to 911 and asked that a deputy go down to the Pablo Bar and “shut the backdoor to the bar” as she had earlier requested in a call to the bartender. The barkeep said they would shut the door yet the request remained unfulfilled.

- 1:47 p.m. – A mother called 911 to report her 16-year-old son for “disturbing the peace” by yelling and slamming doors. Unfortunately, it’s called being a teenager. It happens, and I’m not sure how a police presence is the appropriate solution here.

- 7:25 p.m. – An anonymous female caller dialed 911 and request to speak with an officer regarding “drug trafficking.” The woman requested to meet the officer “on the Polson golf course behind McDonald’s” to talk more as she had very little minutes on her prepaid cell phone, doesn’t have a home, and is “scared because there’s a hit out on her head.”
First of all, I knew Ronald McDonald was pedaling dope. What, with that outfit? C’mon. Secondly, if you’re worried about staying under the radar as an informant, could you pick a bit more secretive of a meeting place? It doesn’t get more out in the open than a golf course that runs right up against Highway 93 and possibly the most frequented restaurant in town.

Saturday, Nov. 28
- 12:18 a.m. – A “very intoxicated” woman called 911 and reported to dispatchers that she had just gotten her “ass kicked, again” by another woman. She added that she “couldn’t afford any more hits to the face.”

- 1:32 a.m. – An anonymous female dialed 911 to report that she had been “stabbed and something is hanging out of her abdomen.” Mission police officers arrived on scene shortly and confirmed that a piece of “fatty tissue” was in fact “protruding from the stomach wound.” For those of you thanking me for that terrible image, well you’re welcome.

- 4:11 a.m. – A mother called 911 to request to file a complaint against her “15-year-old daughter who just came home drunk and passed out.”

- 6:21 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she had just awaken to people ringing her doorbell and when she looked outside “there were four strangers fighting and wresting around in her yard.”

- 6:59 a.m. – A woman advised dispatchers that another woman who was just at her home “broke a table” and then proceeded to “throw it down some stairs” before fleeing the scene. The reporting party then inexplicably stated she didn’t wish to press charges as it would “piss off the neighbors.” What? Thanks anyways for calling it in. Maybe you’ll nail them next time they huck your loveseat out the window and bolt?

- 8:04 a.m. – A man reported to 911 finding a “dog locked in the walk-in cooler” at Camp Marshall.

- 8:55 a.m. – A woman reported to 9-1-1 that someone is throwing eggs at her house, adding that “they hit the deck, which is a really long ways to throw an egg.” There you go mysterious egger, whoever you are. You can rest assured that at the very least, your culprits admired your craft.

- 3:12 p.m. – A woman called 911 and reported that there are three girls in the Wal-Mart parking lot who are “spreading **** [feces] on dollar bills, putting them in the lot, and watching for people to pick them.” The caller reported that the same individuals were doing this at McDonald’s a few days ago.
Now THAT is a messy after-school activity. So if you’re local cashier looks a little hesitant next time you pull out a dirty bill at the register, you have these brats to thank for that.

- 4:35 p.m. – An elderly woman called 911 and reported that “all her neighbors have left”, adding it worried her that “something drastic may happen.”

- 5:05 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she came home and someone must’ve “blown up her mailbox” between 1-5 p.m.

- 5:12 p.m. – A security guard at Super 1 Foods reported to 911 catching two juvenile shoplifters, adding that the kids said they would “feel safer” going with police officers than their “own mothers, who are on their way now.” The security guard felt sympathy for the youths and handed them over to Johnny Law – which should be noted does not exclude the thieves from their mothers’ minimum grounding sentence of a month without parole.

- 6:59 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that there is a “little old man sitting at the wheel in her truck parked in the driveway.” She advised dispatchers that no keys were in the car, but it appeared he was “trying to drive somewhere as he had the lights on.”

- 8:32 p.m. – An anonymous caller dialed 911 from the Branding Iron Bar and said “this isn’t an emergency, please send an officer.” Dispatchers called back the bar and spoke with the bartender who clarified that the man who called was not supposed to be there and was “extremely intoxicated.”
The caller turned out to actually be on probation and was arrested for being in the bar under the influence. The moral of the story here is if you’re going to get sloshed in a bar and violate your probation, try not to drunk dial the police.

Sunday, Nov. 29
- 1:08 a.m. – Holiday ribbons and decorations were reported to have been torn down on the 200 block of Main Street in Polson. Prime suspect? The Grinch.

- 1:13 a.m. – An anonymous caller reported to 911 that there are people “fighting over a pool table” at the Pablo Bar.

- 9:55 a.m. – A man called 911 and requested that an officer “star 69” his last call (which, first of all, it doesn’t work that way) as he had just received an “obscene call.” The 911 caller turned out to have an outstanding warrant and, as fate would have it, officers got his location from the original call and arrested him at the “Outlaw Inn” in Kalispell.

- 12:44 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she was out walking “her little dog” and the dog found a zipper pouch full of pipes, baggies, and other drug paraphernalia.

Monday, Nov. 30
- 9:15 a.m. – Officers logged detaining a man for “spitting on the door of the courthouse.” Well I guess if you’re trying to get thrown in the can, at least this guy saved the county some mileage on the pick-up.

- 2:29 p.m. – An employee reported to 911 that there is a woman “pushing other patrons around” at Whitefish Credit Union in Woodsbay. Ma’am please, the bank has enough of those cheap complimentary suckers to go around. No need to shove and be rude.

- 6:59 p.m. – A Polson woman reported to 911 that she received an out-of-state text message stating that the subject “has some hindukush.” Dispatchers researched the word and found it to be some sort of “marijuana.”
Drug dealers are so lazy these days. Going digital? Whatever happened to standing on the street and harassing people the old-fashioned way.

Wednesday, Dec. 2
- 2:21 a.m. – A woman called 911 and reported that her aunt is out of sorts, threatening to “stab herself in the arm with a pen and take pills.” Dispatchers could hear a woman’s voice in the background screaming “I don’t want pigs here!”

- 2:32 p.m. – An employee at Super 1 Foods reported an elderly lady for “stealing vitamins” from the store. Hey, at least we know Grandma is getting her nutrients.

Thursday, Dec.3
- 1:55 a.m. – A male caller reported to 911 that another man who is “drunker than a pig” just threw a “trash can through his front door.” When asked if the attacker had weapons, the caller said “he must, because he threatened to shoot my ass.”

- 4:26 p.m. – A Polson woman reported to 911 that there are some kids from Pablo running around with “butterfly knives and flashing cash.”

Saturday, Dec. 5
- 10:22 a.m. – A man reported to 911 that he’s trying to feed and water some horses at a residence on Baypoint but a woman from a nearby trailer is “harassing him and won’t let him feed.”

Tuesday, Dec. 8
- 12 p.m. – An employee at Safeway reported to 911 having a very intoxicated man hanging out by the Starbucks in the grocery store. When you’re trying to sober up with some coffee at noon on a Tuesday, you got problems dude.

911 calls from 10/31 to 11/9

Saturday, Oct. 31
- 12:52 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 an act of disorderly conduct as an “intoxicated male” tried to gain entrance to St. Luke’s Hospital to visit his son who was a current patient. I don’t think visiting hours have ever included the midnight hour, but you can’t fault the guy for the effort.
- 5:49 a.m. – A female caller advised dispatch that the same aforementioned male was spotted “smashed up” against the corner of the house “under the garbage” by their backdoor. The homeowner kindly complimented the drunk on his impressive Oscar the Grouch costume before requesting that he be on his way.
- 5:54 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she had just been beaten up by another female whom she also witnessed “beat an elderly man with a tire iron.” Wow ma’am, for everybody’s sake please layoff the horror movies.
- 8:08 p.m. – A Polson woman advised 911 dispatchers that her 8-year-old son had just told her that a black car pulled up by trick-r-treaters on 4th Avenue, and some kids jumped out of the car and stole candy from other children. A drive-by trick-r-treating jumping – now that’s a classy move. Whatever happened to just smashing a couple jackolanterns.
-10:50 p.m. – A Ronan mother called 911 to report that a “Ronan policeman is harassing her son.” The mom stated that the officer keeps tailing them and as her son is not a “trouble kid” she demanded they “pull off of him.” If you were wondering, the answer is yes – a mother’s word is above the law.

Sunday, Nov. 1
- 12:24 a.m. – A woman driving in the Arlee area called 911 to report that she believes someone is “following her.” She then added, “nevermind, it’s a cop,” and hung up.
- 1:56 a.m. – A man reported to 911 that his Adams Street home was currently being “egged.”
- 7:57 a.m. – A woman advised dispatchers that her “silver coin purse” was stolen from the South Shore Bar on Halloween.
- 9:04 a.m. – A clerk at Harvest Foods called 911 to report a man in their store who appears to be “on something.” They said the man “picks up an item, looks at it, and then puts it into his cart before removing it and placing it back on the shelves.” Now I say if a man not being able to make up his own mind is a crime – then somebody, for the love of Pete, please lock up Brett Favre and throw away the key.
- 10:26 a.m. – A man advised 911 dispatchers that his neighbor “egged his house and car.”

Saturday, Nov. 7
- 1:03 a.m. – A bartender at the South Shore reported to 911 a woman wearing a black coat and pink pants who is attempting to “breakout the main window in the bar.” The bartender updated dispatchers that the woman was now “punching her husband in the face” in front of the bar.
- 1:26 a.m. – A woman was reported to 911 sitting in a blue Chevy Malibu in the church parking lot below the high school “drinking a Mike’s Hard Lemonade.”
- 4:23 a.m. – A woman in the St. Ignatius area advised 911 dispatchers that for the past five minutes a blue-green Toyota Tercel following her has been trying to “pin her in” while she delivers the morning newspaper.

Sunday, Nov. 8
- 12:53 p.m. – A caller reported finding a bunch of syringes in an abandoned Polson apartment on the 400 block of 10th Avenue West.
- 2:27 p.m. – A man called 911 and reported a woman passed out in a Dodge Neon with her legs hanging out an open door and “a lot of clothes and items all around the car.” Turned out the woman was just cleaning her car which must double as a closet and/or home.
- 2:32 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 a “crazy person screaming at the tops of his lungs” out by the highway and Les Schwab. An officer checked in with the man who wasn’t under the influence but was apparently “10-96”: police code for having mental problems.
- 6:48 p.m. – Marijuana was reportedly found in the Polson Town Pump parking lot.

Monday, Nov. 9
- 12:51 a.m. – A woman requested an officer to file assault charges as she had just had her “ass kicked” by another woman.

911 calls from 8/27-9/8

Thursday, Aug. 27
- 9:16 p.m. – A trailer resident woke up to an apparent explosion shaking their home. Police investigators found the residence’s mailbox blown to bits and a partial box of “sparkler’s – believed to be used in making a sparkler bomb –“ were taken into evidence. Later that day Fox News linked the terrorist attack to Al-Qaeda and, subsequently, President Obama’s healthcare plan.
- 9:47 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she just saw a man walking up Highway 93 carrying what appeared to be a “to-go cup from a bar.” Hmmm…didn’t know they had those. “Hey Jimbo you’ve had enough, it’s time to go…but before you do, make sure to take your booze with you on the go.” Brilliant.

Friday, Aug. 28
- 1:33 a.m. – An off-duty Ronan police officer reported that there was a fight ongoing in front of the Second Chance bar in Ronan. The officer did not confirm whether or not they were involved in the bar brawl.
- 2:43 a.m. – A blue SUV was reported to 911 parked sideways in the middle of Skyline Road. After arrival of police, a male come walking up to the vehicle with a gas can but eventually ended up taking a ride to the big house for possession of dangerous drugs.
- 3:16 p.m. – A man wearing a “gray Sons of Silence t-shirt” was reported to 911 standing out front of the Wolf Den dropping “f-bombs” and insulting everyone around him on Main Street in Polson. Mind you this was about the time kids get out of school on a Friday afternoon that the classy individual was putting on this display. Hey buddy, way not to reinforce biker stereotypes—job well done sir.
- 5:35 p.m. – A woman called into 911 and reported a man who was “driving while high on drugs”, claiming that the man had also verbally assaulted her earlier in the day calling her a “prostitute.” The female added that there were also kids nearby vandalizing vehicles. An officer followed up saying the situation was a 1096 – code for “mentally unstable” female.
- 11:45 p.m. – A man advised 911 dispatchers that his house had just been “egged” by 2-3 juveniles.

Saturday, Aug. 29
- 1:26 a.m. – Four individuals were reported causing trouble at the South Shore Lounge. As they left the watering hole before police arrival, one of the sloshed hooligans threw a beer bottle at the fine establishment.
- 10:18 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that a fight just broke out between two men at the “concession stands” at Mission Valley Speedway. The argument must’ve gone something like this: “My twin dueli is far superior for mud-boggin’ and you know it Boseefus…Oh yeah Jimbo, well only a chump would eat their pink cotton candy like that!”

Sunday, Aug. 30
- 9:35 p.m. – A man reported to 911 hearing a woman scream for help near Mission Creek. Police investigators found the shrill sounds to actually not be human, rather that of a mountain lion sighted on the tree line near St. Ignatius.

Monday, Aug. 31
- 8:24 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 dispatchers that she was “making her morning coffee” when she saw her neighbor’s pitbull come over and “pee” on her fence. She added that the dog’s owner then threatened her when she told them she was going to call the “police and the humane society.” Typically when you say “Hey, your dog just pee-ed on my fence, I’m gonna try and have it put down”…people tend to get a little ticked off by that. Dogs pee. You pee. Everybody pees. Live and let pee. Give pee a chance … okay I’m done now.

Tuesday, Sept. 1
- 1:45 a.m. -- A male and female were reported to 911 having a “loud disagreement of sorts” in front of Crazy Mike’s Video. Next time this happens during business hours, police gave authority to local video clerk/rock star Bryce to go outside and judo-chop the unruly couple to save the boys-in-blue a trip.
- 2:43 p.m. – A man at the Bayview Inn requested an officer to come down and look at “a pile of vomit” that may have had blood in it. All officers on duty immediately sprung into action, proclaiming “Hark, we must witness this immaculate puke you speak of.”
- 7:16 p.m. – A Sanders County woman called 911 and advised dispatchers that her nephew just “shot himself in the hand while cleaning his gun.” Buddy, unload the thing for a slight nanosecond to clean it – you won’t need to overthrow the government during that moment, I guarantee it.

Wednesday, Sept. 2
- 1:29 p.m. – A man was reported to 911 sitting in a white Ford F-150 in the parking lot of Sacajawea Park “taking pictures of women sunbathing” at the park. Upon police follow-up the man was found to only have one camera – which was broken. No further steps were taken in this instance. But I say, if he was actually seen being crazy enough to take shots of girls with his busted camera, doesn’t that make him more of a loony threat?
- 3:56 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she just found more “used needles” behind Working Innovations in Polson.
- 9:59 p.m. – Ronan police officers reportedly were pursuing a “highly intoxicated man” on foot running through city park. After a lengthy, and winded, chase the boys booked him and took the unruly escapist for a ride in the paddywagon.

Thursday, Sept. 3
- 4:58 a.m. – Here’s your Swan ridiculous address of the week. A large tree reportedly blew over at the crux of “Fatty Creek and Goat Creek.”

Tuesday, Sept. 8
- 3:19 p.m. – A female called 911 to report that sometimes a woman comes to visit her mother when she is not home and when she leaves the “mother’s prescription narcotics are missing.”

911 calls from 8/9-8/15

Sunday, August 9
- 4:43 a.m. – A vehicle was reported parked at an intersection in the Swan with a bike leaned up against it … wait for it, wait for it … the street names? “Old Squeezer Loop and Goat Creek.” Wow, you gotta love the crazy Swan.

- 1 p.m. – A contracted employee was reported to have used the restroom in an RV at the “Family Fun Center” and later when confronted about the malfesions pushed over another employee’s motorcycle in anger. A classic 3rd grade move, someone ticks you off – just push over their bike and floor it outta there.

- 1:47 p.m. – A man called 911 and reported that two kids were inside an abandoned building near Bishop Insurance and were “tearing the insides of the building down.” The caller added that this building regularly has its fair share of “kids going inside and smoking and carrying on.”

1:52 p.m. – An anonymous reported to 911 that she just witnessed a mother “smoking marijuana in front of young kids and then offering it to them.”

Monday, August 10
- 2:22 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 that two women have been sitting at a picnic table near the Longhouse in Mission for about an hour, “doing nothing.” Laziness is not a crime, ma’am.

3:07 a.m. – A female passenger in a vehicle called 911 and said that the driver, another woman, had been drinking and was currently driving them down from Flathead County to the Polson area to confront an individual who was “threatening to kill them.” Brilliant, on all levels really. I think we skipped a few steps on the conflict-resolution pyramid for this one because no way that one’s ending up win-win.

- 8:11 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 dispatchers hearing “laughing, cussing, and dogs barking” coming from the area of the skate park. After much deliberation from a unique task squad, 8 a.m. was deemed to be way too early for skaters to be at the park and officers responded promptly to witness this event.

- 12:27 p.m. – A Ronan man reported receiving a call from a “Sheriff Woody of the Ronan Police Department”, adding he thought the call was a hoax. Yes sir, there are no sheriffs of police departments – that would be the sheriff’s department. Plus, the only “Sheriff Woody” I know of is the star of “Toy Story.” Could it have been Tom Hanks?

- 2:06 p.m. – A woman called 911 to report that her husband’s name and business phone number had been written on the walls in two women’s bathrooms at different locations in the valley. Her husband subsequently received a call from a couple girls. When the wife reportedly return called the number, the girls apologized for calling her husband – adding that “they thought he was younger.” How did sleepin’ on the couch feel last week buddy?

Tuesday, August 11
- 12:44 a.m. - A bartender at the Silver Dollar in Charlo reported to 911 that a man just punched a nearby picnic table and a bar window after having a fight with his brother-in-law. Luckily, Patrick Swayze showed up and tossed his butt out faster than you can say “Road House.”

- 5:36 p.m. – A drunk man called 911 wanting to talk to the Polson Police Department about having “his a** kicked” at the VFW Bar in Polson. The man was reportedly too intoxicated to finish filling out the report. Prime assault suspects in this case – Jack Daniels and the City of Polson’s sidewalk.

Wednesday, August 12
- 3:41 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she had been receiving harassing phone calls from her sister in Billings “who has mental problems.” And I’m sure calling the boys in blue on her will be a therapeutic experience. Well done.

- 5:31 p.m. – A gate was reported stolen in the Swan on “Soup Creek.” The Swan area has so many great street names to go around I decided to give you a bonus one; just try and top this one. “Morning Wood.” Classic Swan.

- 8:19 p.m. – A man reported to 911 that 14-15 year-old boy is selling magazines subscriptions door-to-door to meet the new neighbors. Solicitation is never a great ice breaker. “Hey, I just met you … can I put you down for 40 issues of ‘Guns and Ammo’ perhaps?”

Thursday, August 13
- 1:37 a.m. – A man called 911 and reported that the kids next door have been “partying all the time” adding that “it’s time for the little bastard to go to bed.”

- 2:43 p.m. – A man reported to 911 that someone came into his house “while he was sleeping and stole his belt.” Seven minutes later the man called 911 back to report that he had found his belt. It took roughly seven minutes before he came across a bathroom mirror and … ah haw!

Friday, August 14
- 2:19 p.m. – A woman reported a man “laying in the grass” at the 500 block of 3rd Street, adding that she thought he “might be dead.” The caller dialed back and reported the subject to be in fact alive as her daughter had seen him sneeze.

- 2:21 p.m. – A man reported that a 7-8 year-old kid just threw a pressurized air can at his moving vehicle and hit him on 6th Street. Nice shootin’ Tex!

- 5:15 p.m. – A woman called her neighbor into 911 for shooting his rifle towards her house. The neighbor said he was shooting off “fireworks” because he has a “deer problem.” He says stink bombs, but the pile of deer carcuses in his back yard call him a stinkin’ liar.

- 11:05 p.m. – A woman was reported to 911 apparently trying to “run over a man with her vehicle” outside the Silver Dollar Bar as the man fled on foot shouting “leave me alone.”

Saturday, August 15
- 1:35 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 that her neighbor was shooting off fireworks within the city limits which is prohibited. On a side note the no-doubt tourist or seasonal resident from California was notified that in Montucky it’s the 4th of July EVERYDAY! Yeehaw!

UPDATE! -- Blotter returns 8/21!

First off, my apologies for not posting an earlier note on this site to Police Blotter devotees.

The Blotter has been on a 1.5-month hiatus as I've been transitioning from my former position as a full-time staff reporter with the Lake County Leader to my new career adventure, but FEAR NOT -- with the assistance of the Lake County 911 Center and the Leader I will still be contributing weekly (or bi-weekly, we'll see) Blotter entries as a freelance guest columnist to the paper.

That means those Blotter entries will also be posted here on this blog site (www.lakecountypoliceblotter.blogspot.com) -- in fact, you can get the first glimpse of the newest entry right here on the afternoon of Aug. 21 as that Blotter will go up on the blog before it goes to print in the Aug. 27 issue of the Leader.

Thanks for your patience and thanks to all of you for reading.

Ty Hampton
Guest Columnist
For the Leader