911 calls from 11/26-12/8

Thursday, Nov. 26
- 2:28 p.m. – A woman came into the sheriff’s office to report an instance of suspicious activity. The woman advised deputies that some computers “mysteriously” showed up at her Main Street residence.

- 5:54 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 dispatchers that her home had been broken into and that “a lot of her son’s rings” had been stolen. That’s plural on the “rings.” Hmmm…I’m just thinking unless he’s a jeweler or a mystical hobbit named Frodo, a fella should have one, maybe two rings at the most.

Friday, Nov. 27
- 12:08 a.m. – A woman called in a noise disturbance to 911 and asked that a deputy go down to the Pablo Bar and “shut the backdoor to the bar” as she had earlier requested in a call to the bartender. The barkeep said they would shut the door yet the request remained unfulfilled.

- 1:47 p.m. – A mother called 911 to report her 16-year-old son for “disturbing the peace” by yelling and slamming doors. Unfortunately, it’s called being a teenager. It happens, and I’m not sure how a police presence is the appropriate solution here.

- 7:25 p.m. – An anonymous female caller dialed 911 and request to speak with an officer regarding “drug trafficking.” The woman requested to meet the officer “on the Polson golf course behind McDonald’s” to talk more as she had very little minutes on her prepaid cell phone, doesn’t have a home, and is “scared because there’s a hit out on her head.”
First of all, I knew Ronald McDonald was pedaling dope. What, with that outfit? C’mon. Secondly, if you’re worried about staying under the radar as an informant, could you pick a bit more secretive of a meeting place? It doesn’t get more out in the open than a golf course that runs right up against Highway 93 and possibly the most frequented restaurant in town.

Saturday, Nov. 28
- 12:18 a.m. – A “very intoxicated” woman called 911 and reported to dispatchers that she had just gotten her “ass kicked, again” by another woman. She added that she “couldn’t afford any more hits to the face.”

- 1:32 a.m. – An anonymous female dialed 911 to report that she had been “stabbed and something is hanging out of her abdomen.” Mission police officers arrived on scene shortly and confirmed that a piece of “fatty tissue” was in fact “protruding from the stomach wound.” For those of you thanking me for that terrible image, well you’re welcome.

- 4:11 a.m. – A mother called 911 to request to file a complaint against her “15-year-old daughter who just came home drunk and passed out.”

- 6:21 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she had just awaken to people ringing her doorbell and when she looked outside “there were four strangers fighting and wresting around in her yard.”

- 6:59 a.m. – A woman advised dispatchers that another woman who was just at her home “broke a table” and then proceeded to “throw it down some stairs” before fleeing the scene. The reporting party then inexplicably stated she didn’t wish to press charges as it would “piss off the neighbors.” What? Thanks anyways for calling it in. Maybe you’ll nail them next time they huck your loveseat out the window and bolt?

- 8:04 a.m. – A man reported to 911 finding a “dog locked in the walk-in cooler” at Camp Marshall.

- 8:55 a.m. – A woman reported to 9-1-1 that someone is throwing eggs at her house, adding that “they hit the deck, which is a really long ways to throw an egg.” There you go mysterious egger, whoever you are. You can rest assured that at the very least, your culprits admired your craft.

- 3:12 p.m. – A woman called 911 and reported that there are three girls in the Wal-Mart parking lot who are “spreading **** [feces] on dollar bills, putting them in the lot, and watching for people to pick them.” The caller reported that the same individuals were doing this at McDonald’s a few days ago.
Now THAT is a messy after-school activity. So if you’re local cashier looks a little hesitant next time you pull out a dirty bill at the register, you have these brats to thank for that.

- 4:35 p.m. – An elderly woman called 911 and reported that “all her neighbors have left”, adding it worried her that “something drastic may happen.”

- 5:05 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she came home and someone must’ve “blown up her mailbox” between 1-5 p.m.

- 5:12 p.m. – A security guard at Super 1 Foods reported to 911 catching two juvenile shoplifters, adding that the kids said they would “feel safer” going with police officers than their “own mothers, who are on their way now.” The security guard felt sympathy for the youths and handed them over to Johnny Law – which should be noted does not exclude the thieves from their mothers’ minimum grounding sentence of a month without parole.

- 6:59 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that there is a “little old man sitting at the wheel in her truck parked in the driveway.” She advised dispatchers that no keys were in the car, but it appeared he was “trying to drive somewhere as he had the lights on.”

- 8:32 p.m. – An anonymous caller dialed 911 from the Branding Iron Bar and said “this isn’t an emergency, please send an officer.” Dispatchers called back the bar and spoke with the bartender who clarified that the man who called was not supposed to be there and was “extremely intoxicated.”
The caller turned out to actually be on probation and was arrested for being in the bar under the influence. The moral of the story here is if you’re going to get sloshed in a bar and violate your probation, try not to drunk dial the police.

Sunday, Nov. 29
- 1:08 a.m. – Holiday ribbons and decorations were reported to have been torn down on the 200 block of Main Street in Polson. Prime suspect? The Grinch.

- 1:13 a.m. – An anonymous caller reported to 911 that there are people “fighting over a pool table” at the Pablo Bar.

- 9:55 a.m. – A man called 911 and requested that an officer “star 69” his last call (which, first of all, it doesn’t work that way) as he had just received an “obscene call.” The 911 caller turned out to have an outstanding warrant and, as fate would have it, officers got his location from the original call and arrested him at the “Outlaw Inn” in Kalispell.

- 12:44 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she was out walking “her little dog” and the dog found a zipper pouch full of pipes, baggies, and other drug paraphernalia.

Monday, Nov. 30
- 9:15 a.m. – Officers logged detaining a man for “spitting on the door of the courthouse.” Well I guess if you’re trying to get thrown in the can, at least this guy saved the county some mileage on the pick-up.

- 2:29 p.m. – An employee reported to 911 that there is a woman “pushing other patrons around” at Whitefish Credit Union in Woodsbay. Ma’am please, the bank has enough of those cheap complimentary suckers to go around. No need to shove and be rude.

- 6:59 p.m. – A Polson woman reported to 911 that she received an out-of-state text message stating that the subject “has some hindukush.” Dispatchers researched the word and found it to be some sort of “marijuana.”
Drug dealers are so lazy these days. Going digital? Whatever happened to standing on the street and harassing people the old-fashioned way.

Wednesday, Dec. 2
- 2:21 a.m. – A woman called 911 and reported that her aunt is out of sorts, threatening to “stab herself in the arm with a pen and take pills.” Dispatchers could hear a woman’s voice in the background screaming “I don’t want pigs here!”

- 2:32 p.m. – An employee at Super 1 Foods reported an elderly lady for “stealing vitamins” from the store. Hey, at least we know Grandma is getting her nutrients.

Thursday, Dec.3
- 1:55 a.m. – A male caller reported to 911 that another man who is “drunker than a pig” just threw a “trash can through his front door.” When asked if the attacker had weapons, the caller said “he must, because he threatened to shoot my ass.”

- 4:26 p.m. – A Polson woman reported to 911 that there are some kids from Pablo running around with “butterfly knives and flashing cash.”

Saturday, Dec. 5
- 10:22 a.m. – A man reported to 911 that he’s trying to feed and water some horses at a residence on Baypoint but a woman from a nearby trailer is “harassing him and won’t let him feed.”

Tuesday, Dec. 8
- 12 p.m. – An employee at Safeway reported to 911 having a very intoxicated man hanging out by the Starbucks in the grocery store. When you’re trying to sober up with some coffee at noon on a Tuesday, you got problems dude.

911 calls from 10/31 to 11/9

Saturday, Oct. 31
- 12:52 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 an act of disorderly conduct as an “intoxicated male” tried to gain entrance to St. Luke’s Hospital to visit his son who was a current patient. I don’t think visiting hours have ever included the midnight hour, but you can’t fault the guy for the effort.
- 5:49 a.m. – A female caller advised dispatch that the same aforementioned male was spotted “smashed up” against the corner of the house “under the garbage” by their backdoor. The homeowner kindly complimented the drunk on his impressive Oscar the Grouch costume before requesting that he be on his way.
- 5:54 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she had just been beaten up by another female whom she also witnessed “beat an elderly man with a tire iron.” Wow ma’am, for everybody’s sake please layoff the horror movies.
- 8:08 p.m. – A Polson woman advised 911 dispatchers that her 8-year-old son had just told her that a black car pulled up by trick-r-treaters on 4th Avenue, and some kids jumped out of the car and stole candy from other children. A drive-by trick-r-treating jumping – now that’s a classy move. Whatever happened to just smashing a couple jackolanterns.
-10:50 p.m. – A Ronan mother called 911 to report that a “Ronan policeman is harassing her son.” The mom stated that the officer keeps tailing them and as her son is not a “trouble kid” she demanded they “pull off of him.” If you were wondering, the answer is yes – a mother’s word is above the law.

Sunday, Nov. 1
- 12:24 a.m. – A woman driving in the Arlee area called 911 to report that she believes someone is “following her.” She then added, “nevermind, it’s a cop,” and hung up.
- 1:56 a.m. – A man reported to 911 that his Adams Street home was currently being “egged.”
- 7:57 a.m. – A woman advised dispatchers that her “silver coin purse” was stolen from the South Shore Bar on Halloween.
- 9:04 a.m. – A clerk at Harvest Foods called 911 to report a man in their store who appears to be “on something.” They said the man “picks up an item, looks at it, and then puts it into his cart before removing it and placing it back on the shelves.” Now I say if a man not being able to make up his own mind is a crime – then somebody, for the love of Pete, please lock up Brett Favre and throw away the key.
- 10:26 a.m. – A man advised 911 dispatchers that his neighbor “egged his house and car.”

Saturday, Nov. 7
- 1:03 a.m. – A bartender at the South Shore reported to 911 a woman wearing a black coat and pink pants who is attempting to “breakout the main window in the bar.” The bartender updated dispatchers that the woman was now “punching her husband in the face” in front of the bar.
- 1:26 a.m. – A woman was reported to 911 sitting in a blue Chevy Malibu in the church parking lot below the high school “drinking a Mike’s Hard Lemonade.”
- 4:23 a.m. – A woman in the St. Ignatius area advised 911 dispatchers that for the past five minutes a blue-green Toyota Tercel following her has been trying to “pin her in” while she delivers the morning newspaper.

Sunday, Nov. 8
- 12:53 p.m. – A caller reported finding a bunch of syringes in an abandoned Polson apartment on the 400 block of 10th Avenue West.
- 2:27 p.m. – A man called 911 and reported a woman passed out in a Dodge Neon with her legs hanging out an open door and “a lot of clothes and items all around the car.” Turned out the woman was just cleaning her car which must double as a closet and/or home.
- 2:32 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 a “crazy person screaming at the tops of his lungs” out by the highway and Les Schwab. An officer checked in with the man who wasn’t under the influence but was apparently “10-96”: police code for having mental problems.
- 6:48 p.m. – Marijuana was reportedly found in the Polson Town Pump parking lot.

Monday, Nov. 9
- 12:51 a.m. – A woman requested an officer to file assault charges as she had just had her “ass kicked” by another woman.

911 calls from 8/27-9/8

Thursday, Aug. 27
- 9:16 p.m. – A trailer resident woke up to an apparent explosion shaking their home. Police investigators found the residence’s mailbox blown to bits and a partial box of “sparkler’s – believed to be used in making a sparkler bomb –“ were taken into evidence. Later that day Fox News linked the terrorist attack to Al-Qaeda and, subsequently, President Obama’s healthcare plan.
- 9:47 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she just saw a man walking up Highway 93 carrying what appeared to be a “to-go cup from a bar.” Hmmm…didn’t know they had those. “Hey Jimbo you’ve had enough, it’s time to go…but before you do, make sure to take your booze with you on the go.” Brilliant.

Friday, Aug. 28
- 1:33 a.m. – An off-duty Ronan police officer reported that there was a fight ongoing in front of the Second Chance bar in Ronan. The officer did not confirm whether or not they were involved in the bar brawl.
- 2:43 a.m. – A blue SUV was reported to 911 parked sideways in the middle of Skyline Road. After arrival of police, a male come walking up to the vehicle with a gas can but eventually ended up taking a ride to the big house for possession of dangerous drugs.
- 3:16 p.m. – A man wearing a “gray Sons of Silence t-shirt” was reported to 911 standing out front of the Wolf Den dropping “f-bombs” and insulting everyone around him on Main Street in Polson. Mind you this was about the time kids get out of school on a Friday afternoon that the classy individual was putting on this display. Hey buddy, way not to reinforce biker stereotypes—job well done sir.
- 5:35 p.m. – A woman called into 911 and reported a man who was “driving while high on drugs”, claiming that the man had also verbally assaulted her earlier in the day calling her a “prostitute.” The female added that there were also kids nearby vandalizing vehicles. An officer followed up saying the situation was a 1096 – code for “mentally unstable” female.
- 11:45 p.m. – A man advised 911 dispatchers that his house had just been “egged” by 2-3 juveniles.

Saturday, Aug. 29
- 1:26 a.m. – Four individuals were reported causing trouble at the South Shore Lounge. As they left the watering hole before police arrival, one of the sloshed hooligans threw a beer bottle at the fine establishment.
- 10:18 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that a fight just broke out between two men at the “concession stands” at Mission Valley Speedway. The argument must’ve gone something like this: “My twin dueli is far superior for mud-boggin’ and you know it Boseefus…Oh yeah Jimbo, well only a chump would eat their pink cotton candy like that!”

Sunday, Aug. 30
- 9:35 p.m. – A man reported to 911 hearing a woman scream for help near Mission Creek. Police investigators found the shrill sounds to actually not be human, rather that of a mountain lion sighted on the tree line near St. Ignatius.

Monday, Aug. 31
- 8:24 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 dispatchers that she was “making her morning coffee” when she saw her neighbor’s pitbull come over and “pee” on her fence. She added that the dog’s owner then threatened her when she told them she was going to call the “police and the humane society.” Typically when you say “Hey, your dog just pee-ed on my fence, I’m gonna try and have it put down”…people tend to get a little ticked off by that. Dogs pee. You pee. Everybody pees. Live and let pee. Give pee a chance … okay I’m done now.

Tuesday, Sept. 1
- 1:45 a.m. -- A male and female were reported to 911 having a “loud disagreement of sorts” in front of Crazy Mike’s Video. Next time this happens during business hours, police gave authority to local video clerk/rock star Bryce to go outside and judo-chop the unruly couple to save the boys-in-blue a trip.
- 2:43 p.m. – A man at the Bayview Inn requested an officer to come down and look at “a pile of vomit” that may have had blood in it. All officers on duty immediately sprung into action, proclaiming “Hark, we must witness this immaculate puke you speak of.”
- 7:16 p.m. – A Sanders County woman called 911 and advised dispatchers that her nephew just “shot himself in the hand while cleaning his gun.” Buddy, unload the thing for a slight nanosecond to clean it – you won’t need to overthrow the government during that moment, I guarantee it.

Wednesday, Sept. 2
- 1:29 p.m. – A man was reported to 911 sitting in a white Ford F-150 in the parking lot of Sacajawea Park “taking pictures of women sunbathing” at the park. Upon police follow-up the man was found to only have one camera – which was broken. No further steps were taken in this instance. But I say, if he was actually seen being crazy enough to take shots of girls with his busted camera, doesn’t that make him more of a loony threat?
- 3:56 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she just found more “used needles” behind Working Innovations in Polson.
- 9:59 p.m. – Ronan police officers reportedly were pursuing a “highly intoxicated man” on foot running through city park. After a lengthy, and winded, chase the boys booked him and took the unruly escapist for a ride in the paddywagon.

Thursday, Sept. 3
- 4:58 a.m. – Here’s your Swan ridiculous address of the week. A large tree reportedly blew over at the crux of “Fatty Creek and Goat Creek.”

Tuesday, Sept. 8
- 3:19 p.m. – A female called 911 to report that sometimes a woman comes to visit her mother when she is not home and when she leaves the “mother’s prescription narcotics are missing.”

911 calls from 8/9-8/15

Sunday, August 9
- 4:43 a.m. – A vehicle was reported parked at an intersection in the Swan with a bike leaned up against it … wait for it, wait for it … the street names? “Old Squeezer Loop and Goat Creek.” Wow, you gotta love the crazy Swan.

- 1 p.m. – A contracted employee was reported to have used the restroom in an RV at the “Family Fun Center” and later when confronted about the malfesions pushed over another employee’s motorcycle in anger. A classic 3rd grade move, someone ticks you off – just push over their bike and floor it outta there.

- 1:47 p.m. – A man called 911 and reported that two kids were inside an abandoned building near Bishop Insurance and were “tearing the insides of the building down.” The caller added that this building regularly has its fair share of “kids going inside and smoking and carrying on.”

1:52 p.m. – An anonymous reported to 911 that she just witnessed a mother “smoking marijuana in front of young kids and then offering it to them.”

Monday, August 10
- 2:22 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 that two women have been sitting at a picnic table near the Longhouse in Mission for about an hour, “doing nothing.” Laziness is not a crime, ma’am.

3:07 a.m. – A female passenger in a vehicle called 911 and said that the driver, another woman, had been drinking and was currently driving them down from Flathead County to the Polson area to confront an individual who was “threatening to kill them.” Brilliant, on all levels really. I think we skipped a few steps on the conflict-resolution pyramid for this one because no way that one’s ending up win-win.

- 8:11 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 dispatchers hearing “laughing, cussing, and dogs barking” coming from the area of the skate park. After much deliberation from a unique task squad, 8 a.m. was deemed to be way too early for skaters to be at the park and officers responded promptly to witness this event.

- 12:27 p.m. – A Ronan man reported receiving a call from a “Sheriff Woody of the Ronan Police Department”, adding he thought the call was a hoax. Yes sir, there are no sheriffs of police departments – that would be the sheriff’s department. Plus, the only “Sheriff Woody” I know of is the star of “Toy Story.” Could it have been Tom Hanks?

- 2:06 p.m. – A woman called 911 to report that her husband’s name and business phone number had been written on the walls in two women’s bathrooms at different locations in the valley. Her husband subsequently received a call from a couple girls. When the wife reportedly return called the number, the girls apologized for calling her husband – adding that “they thought he was younger.” How did sleepin’ on the couch feel last week buddy?

Tuesday, August 11
- 12:44 a.m. - A bartender at the Silver Dollar in Charlo reported to 911 that a man just punched a nearby picnic table and a bar window after having a fight with his brother-in-law. Luckily, Patrick Swayze showed up and tossed his butt out faster than you can say “Road House.”

- 5:36 p.m. – A drunk man called 911 wanting to talk to the Polson Police Department about having “his a** kicked” at the VFW Bar in Polson. The man was reportedly too intoxicated to finish filling out the report. Prime assault suspects in this case – Jack Daniels and the City of Polson’s sidewalk.

Wednesday, August 12
- 3:41 p.m. – A woman reported to 911 that she had been receiving harassing phone calls from her sister in Billings “who has mental problems.” And I’m sure calling the boys in blue on her will be a therapeutic experience. Well done.

- 5:31 p.m. – A gate was reported stolen in the Swan on “Soup Creek.” The Swan area has so many great street names to go around I decided to give you a bonus one; just try and top this one. “Morning Wood.” Classic Swan.

- 8:19 p.m. – A man reported to 911 that 14-15 year-old boy is selling magazines subscriptions door-to-door to meet the new neighbors. Solicitation is never a great ice breaker. “Hey, I just met you … can I put you down for 40 issues of ‘Guns and Ammo’ perhaps?”

Thursday, August 13
- 1:37 a.m. – A man called 911 and reported that the kids next door have been “partying all the time” adding that “it’s time for the little bastard to go to bed.”

- 2:43 p.m. – A man reported to 911 that someone came into his house “while he was sleeping and stole his belt.” Seven minutes later the man called 911 back to report that he had found his belt. It took roughly seven minutes before he came across a bathroom mirror and … ah haw!

Friday, August 14
- 2:19 p.m. – A woman reported a man “laying in the grass” at the 500 block of 3rd Street, adding that she thought he “might be dead.” The caller dialed back and reported the subject to be in fact alive as her daughter had seen him sneeze.

- 2:21 p.m. – A man reported that a 7-8 year-old kid just threw a pressurized air can at his moving vehicle and hit him on 6th Street. Nice shootin’ Tex!

- 5:15 p.m. – A woman called her neighbor into 911 for shooting his rifle towards her house. The neighbor said he was shooting off “fireworks” because he has a “deer problem.” He says stink bombs, but the pile of deer carcuses in his back yard call him a stinkin’ liar.

- 11:05 p.m. – A woman was reported to 911 apparently trying to “run over a man with her vehicle” outside the Silver Dollar Bar as the man fled on foot shouting “leave me alone.”

Saturday, August 15
- 1:35 a.m. – A woman reported to 911 that her neighbor was shooting off fireworks within the city limits which is prohibited. On a side note the no-doubt tourist or seasonal resident from California was notified that in Montucky it’s the 4th of July EVERYDAY! Yeehaw!

UPDATE! -- Blotter returns 8/21!

First off, my apologies for not posting an earlier note on this site to Police Blotter devotees.

The Blotter has been on a 1.5-month hiatus as I've been transitioning from my former position as a full-time staff reporter with the Lake County Leader to my new career adventure, but FEAR NOT -- with the assistance of the Lake County 911 Center and the Leader I will still be contributing weekly (or bi-weekly, we'll see) Blotter entries as a freelance guest columnist to the paper.

That means those Blotter entries will also be posted here on this blog site (www.lakecountypoliceblotter.blogspot.com) -- in fact, you can get the first glimpse of the newest entry right here on the afternoon of Aug. 21 as that Blotter will go up on the blog before it goes to print in the Aug. 27 issue of the Leader.

Thanks for your patience and thanks to all of you for reading.

Ty Hampton
Guest Columnist
For the Leader

911 calls from 7/6-7/9

Monday, July 6
• 2:02 a.m. — A man called 911 and advised dispatchers that he is having difficulties with “withdrawals” and needed someone to come and “give him something.” When asked if he need an ambulance the man stated “No, I just need someone to come out and give me something for my withdrawals.” Dispatch gave the man the number for St. Luke’s Hospital.
Officers made contact with the male a little later and advised dispatch that he was “doing better.”
• 3:45 a.m. — A man called 911 and reported that there has been a “semi-truck idling for the past two hours” outside his residence. Optimus Prime, is that you? (That pithy joke goes out to Robert Deane — you Transformers loving fool!)
• 8:03 a.m. — A man reported to 911 that some renters moving out of his property took a “laser stove” and two space heaters with them to “Tennessee.”
• 11:06 a.m. — A man requested to speak with a deputy about pressing charges “against his uncle” who keeps “texting him” even though he’s been told to stop.

Tuesday, July 7
• 7:18 a.m. — A woman called 911 and reported a disturbance at the Cherry Hill apartments, advising that two friends are “fighting around” — adding that one is drunk and the other one isn’t.
• 10:52 a.m. — A woman called 911 and requested to speak to a deputy to report a vehicle accident that occurred “a year ago.” Way to be on that one lady, I’m sure they’ll catch ‘em.
• 1:44 p.m. — A Charlo man reported to 911 that his “ball point pens are missing.” Devious pen-stealing reporters are suspect in this case. Valley Journal, of course.
• 7:49 p.m. — A man requested an officer to the Cove in Polson as he just caught four young males “stealing money out of the tip jar” at the deli.

Wednesday, July 8
• 7:56 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that he has a hostile person inside “Cheers” who is refusing to leave? Lay off the sauce Norm, or Sam and Woody are gonna show you the door.
• 9 p.m. — A woman called 911 and reported that she has received some “harassing” phone calls entailing “farting noises and random cussing” left on her answering machine while she was sleeping last night, adding that she just got another one about an hour ago.

Thursday, July 9
• 7:35 a.m. — Police officers responded to a report of two cars driving on Highway 93 near Arlee “shooting fireworks out the windows at each other.” Now that my friend is what you call a redneck drive-by.
• 7:59 a.m. — A woman called 911 and advised that she is in “her 80’s” and received a bill from a company called Environmental Produce in Fairfield, N.J. for $109.90 for an “activator.” The woman stated that she did not even know what an “activator” is.

911 calls from 6/29-7/5

Monday, June 29
• 10:40 a.m. — A woman called 911 to advise that she brought a firecracker into the sheriff’s office and would like to speak to an officer in reference to the firecracker being “set off on her porch last night.”
Wednesday, July 1
• 8:31 p.m. — A Charlo woman reported to 911 that a lot of kids blowing off fireworks nearby are “scaring her pregnant kitty off.”
Thursday, July 2
• 7:42 a.m. — A woman called 911 and advised dispatchers that she is “fine” and “keeping the faith.”
Friday, July 3
• 4:05 a.m. — A woman reported to 911 that there is a woman at her residence that “they” would like removed as she came over and was “taking her clothes off in front of her husband.” Officers were unable to confirm whether the husband was as upset by the incident.
Saturday, July 4
• 9:22 a.m. — A woman reported to 911 that her neighbor is walking around his property “shooting gophers” with a BB gun and she was concerned that one of her kids playing in the yard might get ricocheted.
• 3:44 p.m. — A manager at Wal-Mart called 911 to report some individuals in a maroon Dodge pickup stealing one of the store’s outdoor picnic tables and loading it into the truck. Officers detained the men and returned the table unharmed.
• 5:48 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that there are “nude sunbathers” on the beach at Bear Dance State Park along Highway 35.
• 8:46 p.m. — A man called 911 “very hysterically” stating to dispatchers that somebody came and “destroyed all his trees.” The man suspected foulplay, as he advised that “goats were in with the trees.”
Sunday, July 5
• 4:51 a.m. — A man advised 911 dispatchers that his neighbor playing loud music all day and night is “ruining his life,” adding that if law enforcement didn’t do anything about it he would “take this issue to Helena.” I hear that issue is supposed to be a bipartisan talking point for the 2011 Montana legislative session.
• 9:56 p.m. — A man called 911 to report that there is a “big cat, black in color”, in a vacant lot across from the 1100 block of 8th Street in Polson. The reporting party didn’t believe the animal to be a mountain, “rather another big cat the size of a small husky.” At 10:16 p.m. Polson officers arrived on scene and got a visual on the animal — confirming it to be a mountain lion with a “four foot tail”, bedded down under the tree. While officers awaited the arrival of a rifle to shoot intruding animal, minutes later the cat slipped back behind the house and escaped.

911 calls from 6/21-6/28

Sunday, June 21
• 12:58 a.m. — A man called 911 and reported “loud music” coming from the area across from the vet clinic and wanted it “shut down.” The music turned out to be coming from Relay for Life.
• 1:19 a.m. — Another man reported the same “loud music” to 911 and was informed it was coming from the relay. How dare those cancer survivors and cancer cure advocates stay up all night for a cause?
• 2:17 a.m. — A Polson officer reported that there are some individuals out on horses in front of the Wolf Den. Turns out the horseriders were told it was not illegal to ride through town.
• 2:56 a.m. — An anonymous male advised 911 dispatchers that there is a man “showing marijuana out of a tackle box” at the Swan Tavern.
• 2:01 p.m. — An employee at 93 Sales reported to 911 that someone stole “four tires and the wheels off a pickup in his lot” in the middle of the night. The prime suspects: Local NASCAR pit crew members. Admit it, those guys are fast.
• 4:36 p.m. — A man reported finding another man passed out in his neighbor’s yard. The hung over trespasser was picked up and booked on an outstanding warrant.
• 10:18 p.m. — A man riding a bicycle in the Wal-Mart area reported seeing a bunch of people hanging around Wheat Montana, and when he came back there was “a large pile of rocks in the drive through area.”

Monday, June 22
• 10:11 a.m. — A man advised 911 dispatchers that there are three males drinking beer on the corner of Highway 93 and Main Street and one is “puking everywhere.” Little early for a Monday aint it?

Tuesday, June 23
• 2:20 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 she just witnessed a “skateboarder” throw a bike into the lake. Police made the skater retrieve the bicycle from the water.
• 6:05 p.m. — A man called 911 and reported that there is a “drunk male laying in the ditch with his pants down.” The man was advised by officers to stay home and stay off the street.
• 6:37 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 that there were some kids at the city docks “fighting and throwing animals in the water.” Evidently a boyfriend and girlfriend got into an argument and he threw her dog in the lake.

Wednesday, June 24
• 9:03 a.m. — A man advised 911 dispatchers that there is a man in a small white truck that is watching his neighbor’s house with a “telescope.”
• 3:53 p.m. — A woman called 911 and reported the smell of a “dead body” coming a blue Volkswagen Jetta in the KwaTaqNuk dock area. A Polson officer opened the car’s trunk nearly half an hour later to find nothing but “clothes, papers, and trash.”
How exactly does one walk by a car, sniff, and go “Oh yeah, that’s a dead body”? Are you a CSI forensic sniffer? Some people are just dirty people, doesn’t mean they’re hauling around bodies in their trunks.

Thursday, June 25
• 8:19 a.m. — A man called 911 and advised that a semi truck hauling a huge backhoe has three flat tires and pieces of tires are “just flying everywhere.” The called added that the driver must know his tires are flat and “it’s just sick he’s letting the tire debris go everywhere.”
• 7:23 p.m. — An elderly woman called 911 three times to complain about her “electric bill.” She was told all three times to talk to the electric company.

Friday, June 26
• 3:49 a.m. — A Ronan office advised that an extremely intoxicated male just “urinated in the Town Pump parking lot.”

Saturday, June 27
• 12:21 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 that she was going out to her car and noticed a t-shirt thrown on the dumpster that was “soaked in blood and half burned.”

Sunday, June 28
• 6:11 p.m. — The same elderly woman from earlier called back to 911 requesting to know “how much it will cost to send a letter to Kalispell.”

911 calls from June 15-19

Monday, June 15
• 11:47 a.m. — A man reported to 911 that there appears to be an adult male sleeping under the swingset at O’Malley Park with only a “pair of pants on.” Polson officers confirmed that the man is fine as he is just “reading a book in the park.”
• 2:13 p.m. — A man called 911 and reported that a girl is running around “half naked and drunk” at the Lake View Village Apartments. The caller advised dispatchers it was “the one with that wolf that threatened me”, adding that the girl is “slobbering drunk and scaring the little kids.”
The man called back and stated that they are screaming and throwing water as they are having a water fight, and are drunk as they have cans of beer. Polson officers confirmed that the incident was strictly a “water fight” and just some kids having “some summer fun.”
• 11:42 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that someone is throwing “snow balls” towards his back windows of his residence. The man went on to agree with dispatchers that it could not be “snow” as it was not snowing out, but “something like that.” He advised that whatever the are throwing sounds hard enough to break the window.

Tuesday, June 16
• 8:01 a.m. — A woman called 911 and advised that she went out looking for some horses this morning and got lost as she does not “have her glasses with her.”

Wednesday, June 17
• 5:58 a.m. — An employee of the Ronan Golf Course called 911 and reported that vandalism was done to their club house beverage cart as it appears someone tried to “hot-wire the cart.” The stop sign in the parking lot was also reported to be broken down, possibly a result of kids doing “broadies” in the parking lot.
• 2:59 p.m. — A woman called 911 and reported that a piece of wire on her gate that kept the fence shut is missing and was taken by “the cops.” The woman added that her gate will not stay shut now.
• 4:09 p.m. — A man called 911 and requested that an officer come pick him up as his wife “was in jail and he wanted to go to jail as well.” The man threatened that if he was not picked up “something bad was going to happen.”

Thursday, June 18
• 3:13 p.m. — A woman called 911 to report a burglary at their Woods Bay home. Not 40 minutes later the reporting party called back requesting an ambulance as the burglar returned to the residence and had been severely injured by the homeowner’s 165-pound Bullmastiff, giving new meaning to “taking a bite out of crime.”
• 6:55 p.m. — The earlier woman who reported her gate issue called back to 911 to report that her car wouldn’t start.
• 7:27 p.m. — The same woman called 911 again and stated that she wanted an officer to go to “that store on Main Street that sells batteries” and bring her “one.” Dispatchers told the woman that if she called Napa they could bring her a car battery.
The woman replied that she is 86 years old and hoped “they” would get to be 86 years old as they would then know “what hell is like” because it is “hell to live in Polson.”

Friday, June 19
• 12:02 a.m. — An intoxicated male was reported “relieving himself” behind Community Bank in Ronan and was given a verbal warning about “urinating in public.”
• 10:21 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 that there has been fireworks going off all night and she is “damn sick of it”, adding that she feels like she is “in Iraq.” A dispatcher advised her that city ordinance states people can light off fireworks until 11:30 p.m. on July 4 without a time limit.

911 calls from 6/10-6/14

Wednesday, June 10
• 10:38 a.m. — A man reported to 911 that he found what he thinks is a “smoke bomb” in his mailbox as his mail is all “brown and stinky.”
• 10:58 a.m. — A man called 911 and requested to speak with an officer about the “window on his truck blowing out” as he was driving down the highway near the Lake/Missoula county border in the Swan. The man advised that it was either “a rock or somebody shot at him.”
• 9:46 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 that her neighbor is out target practicing and she “wants to sleep.”
• 9:53 p.m. — A woman called 911 and reported that four kids are messing with the construction equipment near the grade school in Ronan, “honking the horn on one of the tractors.”

Thursday, June 11
• 7:46 a.m. — A woman reported to 911 that she witnessed an intoxicated man who appeared to be hitch-hiking and walking down Timberlane Road next to Don Aadsen Ford “grab some mail out of a mailbox.” The man then reportedly noticed he had been seen taking the mail and ran back to put the mail back in the box.
• 11:19 p.m. — A woman called 911 to report “two teenagers riding on top of a car” with six occupants packed inside as the vehicle drove back and forth between Castle Rock and the boat ramp near the KwaTaqNuk Resort.

Friday, June 12
• 1:05 a.m. — A bartender at the Branding Iron reported a suspicious male outside walking back and forth and “peering in the windows.”
• 8:16 a.m. — A man reported to 911 a pickup parked on J2000 road with a body wrapped up in a blanket that “isn’t moving.” Police responded to the scene and the man promptly arose from his slumber, alive and a little groggy.
• 5:43 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 there is a lot of traffic going in and out of a 4th Avenue residence as she believes it to be a “drug house.” She went on to state that this morning the house wreaked of a combination of “skunk, dirty socks, and rotten eggs” — leading the woman to believe that meth is being made at the smelly home in question.

Saturday, June 13
• 12:47 a.m. — A heavily intoxicated man refusing to leave the Wolfden Bar “removed his pants” in protest to the bartender’s request to vacate the premises. The man was described as 6 foot tall, 230 pounds, blue shirt, “no pants.” The barroom rebel’s valiant demonstration ultimately was a loss — as he fought the law and the law won. The man was arrested for disorderly conduct and charged with resisting arrest.
• 2:51 a.m. — A woman reported a noise disturbance to 911, saying that two “drunk and stoned” individuals have been playing Guitar Hero on Playstation very loudly “for hours” at the apartment next door.
• 5:14 a.m. — A woman called 911 wanting to report her cousin going AWOL from the Army. The catch? She would not give up her cousin’s identity unless the sheriff’s office “cut her a check”, as she bargained with dispatchers to turn him in for “a hundred bucks.”
However enticing the offer was, dispatchers declined to pay up. One must beg the question, is working a ransom deal with the cops really the best idea here? What is this, the movie “Speed”?
• 9:03 a.m. — A woman reported that a homeless man sleeping behind the car wash just got up and is walking towards Tootsies using a “golf club as a cane.”

Sunday, June 14
• 10:54 a.m. — A man reported to 911 that he and his wife saw what appeared to be a yellow airplane flying over the lake in circles, that got lower, and lower, and then “landed in the lake.” The man said his wife thought the plane went “under water” between Big Arm and Elmo. Officers spoke with people on the marine channel and confirmed that the plane was their “floatplane” and that everything was okay.
• 8:45 p.m. — An employee at Doug Allard’s store reported that two girls came in and advised that man staying at the hotel is exposing himself in front of children. Upon police follow-up, the tenants turned out to be two German tourists who apparently did not get the memo on our culture’s attitudes towards nudity, and kindly agreed to put their shorts back on.
At least our nude foreign friends hadn’t yet made their way down to the lake before experiencing this “cold” truth.

911 calls from 6/1-6/9

Monday, June 1
• 2:45 a.m. — A man called 911 and reported that someone has been shooting at his property with pellet guns since around 11:15 p.m. Sunday night. The man advised that the last shot hit about five minutes ago and he could hear a girl’s voice say “Uh-O!”, but it was too dark outside to see anything.
• 3:51 a.m. — A man called 911 and reported a party at Kerr Dam by the boat launch below the village. Upon officer arrival, a deputy was unable to locate anyone and said the caller “may be hearing the wind as it is blowing pretty good.”
• 8:57 a.m. — A woman reported to 911 that a lawn ornament described as a “little girl on a tricycle with a basket and cat” was stolen from her yard last night. The prime suspect: Martha Stewart.
• 4:07 p.m. — A man called 911 and requested an officer as his “wallet was lost.” The reporting party advised dispatchers that he had $150 in the wallet, and if an officer didn’t come over he is going over to the suspected burglars residence and is going to “burn the house down.”
• 5 p.m. — A woman advised 911 dispatchers that she and her mother just entered their house and noticed the upstairs door start to open, calling out “who is there?” — then the door abruptly shut again. The woman and her mother went to the neighbors to call 911. Upon police follow-up, the door activity turned out to, again, just be “the wind.”

Tuesday, June 2
• 10:07 a.m. — A Mission police officer reported to dispatch that a St. Ignatius resident has “a threatening sign” in their window directed towards their neighbors.
• 12:24 p.m. — A man dialed 911 and requested a call from “Walgren”, stating that “they” are trying to “get rid of him.” When dispatchers asked who the man advised that he had just gotten back from the mental hospital at Warm Springs and “they” are trying to get rid of him. Warm Springs called dispatch to request that the sheriff’s office transport the man back to the hospital.

Wednesday, June 3
• 11:41 a.m. — A woman called 911 and advised that there is a white Ford Expedition with out of state plates going door-to-door selling “Clorox products.”

Thursday, June 4
• 12:31 a.m. — A male employee at a Polson gas station advised dispatchers that he had some tools sitting outside and some people grabbed them. The man reported that they were “very arrogant and thanked him for the tools.” Polson officers found the described vehicle, made a traffic stop, and recovered the stolen pliers and screwdriver.
• 8:10 p.m — A woman reported to 911 that a “very intoxicated” man is trying to get hit in the middle of the road in St. Ignatius, “jumping into traffic.”

Friday, June 5
• 11:42 a.m. — A man reported to 911 getting a voice mail message offering him a “$50,000 stimulus payment.”
• 6:04 p.m. — A woman called 911 and advised that some people are “having sex on the beach” under a blanket by the city docks. A Polson officer spoke with the two individuals and said he could not confirm if they were “fornicating or not”, but warned them they were not to “partake in that kind of behavior in a public park.”

Saturday, June 6
• 4:34 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 that a man who was baby-sitting her daughter was drunk and passed out at her residence, as she came home to find the daughter “coloring on him with magic markers.” After the man was woken up, he was refusing to leave as he had “just finished off a fifth of vodka.”
• 9:14 p.m. — A woman called 911 and requested to speak with an officer in reference to what appears to be “blood all over the ground out in front of their shop.” The woman advised dispatchers that they had just returned from Missoula and noticed the blood and one chicken missing. The prime suspect: Colonel Sanders.

Sunday, June 7
• 12:36 p.m. — A man called 911 and advised that he was just leaving the Branding Iron Bar in Charlo and a man came up to him and propositioned him to “buy crack cocaine.”
• 6:41 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 that she can hear her neighbors making lots of “odd noises” that sound like a “haunted house almost.”

Monday, June 8
• 4:12 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that he was approached by four males in a white Chevy pickup who asked him if he knew where they could “sell some stolen guns.” The man advised that the males were from Browning, appeared to “be on drugs”, and said they got the guns from California.
• 7:56 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that another man at his house made threats to him by “shaking his fist at me.”

Tuesday, June 9
• 2:11 a.m. — A man advised 911 dispatchers that someone had “stolen his 2008 Ronan telephone book” off his kitchen table “within the last three hours.”
• 4:55 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 that she witnessed four boys beating on another, adding that it might be “some sort of initiation.” Upon police follow-up the boys turned out be just brothers giving the youngest brother “a hard time.”

911 calls from 5/25-5/31

Monday, May 25
• 1:25 p.m. — A man called 911 and reported that he had been hit by a dump truck near the Elmo dump. While the man’s vehicle was passing the truck, the truck allegedly swerved into him. The reporting party said he then blocked in the dump truck which prompted the truck’s driver to get out of his vehicle and a verbal and physical fight between the two men ensued.
Once authorities arrived on scene both men reportedly wanted to file “assault” charges against “eachother.” Wow! Road rage much?

Tuesday, May 26
• 9:18 a.m. — A woman reported to 911 that a man is either “asleep or dead” in a white Buick Lesabre on the Buchanan side of Ronan City Park.
• 11:43 a.m. — A man reported an act of vandalism when a “huge tree about 200 feet tall” was cut down on his property and he did not want it cut down.
• 5:35 p.m. — Two intoxicated men were arrested for disorderly conduct after fighting on Main Street in Charlo.
• 5:57 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that a “drunk man just walked into his house” and he doesn’t know who he is.
• 6:05 p.m. — A woman called 911 and advised that there is a drunk woman “talking to herself” in front of Lynn’s Drive-in in St. Ignatius.
• 8 p.m. — A woman reported that there is a teenage male walking up 11th Street towards 13th “carrying a handgun.” Officers searched the area but were unable to locate the boy.

Wednesday, May 27
• 10:02 a.m. — A woman called 911 and reported that she has a “restraining order” on a man who she noticed had “added her as a friend on Facebook” when she checked this morning. She was concerned about this because she did not approve him as a “friend” and did not give him permission to go onto her Facebook site.
Anyone who argues that Facebook and MySpace are not a stalker’s dream should look no further.
• 8:39 p.m. — A man reported that there appeared to be at least “10 people fighting” in Polson’s Sacajawea Park. Upon arrival a Polson officer could not locate any of the brawlers, adding “They must’ve took care of it themselves.”
• 10:22 p.m. — A woman called 911 and advised dispatchers that she could see “very bright lights flash seven times repeatedly in the sky” between Ronan and Charlo. She was concerned that the lights may be someone “signaling for help”, possibly Care Flight — as she had heard them earlier on her police scanner radio.
A sheriff’s deputy found the light to be coming from the end of an “irrigation line” and contacted the reporting party to notify her.

Thursday, May 28
• 8:48 a.m. — A woman reported to 911 that she was upset as “they” may be using her place as a “drug drop.” She explained that when she left for church there was money under a rock by her door, which was gone when she returned home. The lady said she subsequently found an “envelope that had drugs in it” in the bushes by her door. She described the drugs as a “tobacco substance.”
Upon follow-up, a Polson officer identified the “drugs” as “butternut seeds” and the money was found to have fallen out of her “neighbor’s pocket.”
• 9:40 a.m. — A woman advised dispatchers that someone had “sabotaged her lawn mower,” as her son had tried starting it last night and the gasline was cut. The lady claimed that the act of vandalism could have “killed her son.”
• 10:44 a.m. — A St. Ignatius man reported that there is a pipe with cement on one side laying on the side of the road near Pierce Lane, stating that it looks like a “pipe bomb” without a fuse in it. Mission police confirmed that it was not a pipe bomb, just a piece of someone’s “fence post.”
• 4:23 p.m. — A woman called 911 and reported that her friend had found “blood-soaked clothing” in a dumpster behind Woody’s in Polson last Tuesday. Police checked but were unable to locate the items.
• 6:19 p.m. — A woman reported that her “adult swing” in her yard had been “tipped over on its top.” She suspected it was either her neighbor or some kids who she talked to about “cutting through her yard.”
• 8:58 p.m. — A man, who had warrants for his arrest out of Missoula county, called 911 to report that his daughters were “stealing his meds.” Police arrived on scene and found they were not actually stealing the “meds,” the man got “agitated” with officers, and he was arrested for the outstanding warrant.
Here’s a tip, if you have a warrant out for your arrest, it’s not an emergency, and you don’t like jail — you probably don’t want to call the cops.
• 10:09 p.m. — A manager at Ace Hardware reported to 911 that they have an individual who is “stealing bricks.”
• 11:20 p.m. — A Ronan man reported a fight on Main Street in front of the Second Chance and Pheasant Lounge bars, adding that he heard someone saying “use the brass knuckles.” Ronan officers said two males were headed south on Main Street wearing “all black.”
The man who was jumped did not want to press charges even though the men with the “brass knuckles” stole some money from him as well as his hat. Isn’t that robbery with a weapon, a felony?

Friday, May 29
• 7:49 a.m. — A woman advised 911 dispatchers that there was a guy at “The Duck” bar in Woods Bay last night who “tried to beat her ***.” She said the same man is down the street at her cousin’s house on Lakeview Drive and she would like to press charges.
• 2:42 p.m. — A man called 911 and advised that “hecklers” were able to “steal his dog leash” last week because they disabled his “motion detector.”
• 3:46 p.m. — A woman reported a “fight” between two males at a turnout on Highway 35 north of Fulkerson’s Corner with “one man chasing the other into traffic.” She reported not seeing any weapons but said the men were definitely “duking it out.”
A sheriff’s deputy reported that it ended up just being a couple of buddies “messing around with eachother.”
• 7:26 p.m. — A school janitor in Ronan called 911 and reported finding a puddle of “urine” in a corner near the school building and suspected some men playing basketball nearby of the deposit. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Saturday, May 30
• 6:54 a.m. — A man called 911 and advised that he is “drunk and lost” at Super 1 Foods, adding that he hadn’t seen his buddy in over six hours and remembered staying with a friend last night but doesn’t know who. Wow, now that’s what you call a hangover.
• 12:39 p.m. — 911 dispatchers received a call from a male tourist driving through the Arlee area who advised a construction traffic “flagger having a tough time standing, staggering, and then laying on the ground.” The reporting party was concerned that she may have been “drinking.”
Turned out the flagger had a “cramp in her leg” and was trying to “walk it off.”
• 4:56 p.m. — A man called 911 and reported a very intoxicated woman walking down Highway 93 and “falling into traffic” near Subway. Upon police investigation and a subsequent breathalyzer test, the woman blew a .355 blood alcohol content rating.
• 6:50 p.m. — A woman reported that someone had stolen the motor and gas tank off their boat on Light Road in Pablo.
• 10:04 p.m. — A woman called 911 and reported an intoxicated man who got “kicked out of a pickup truck” at the entrance to the apartment complex. The man then reportedly attempted to “climb a fence” but failed, and proceeded to sit on the grass and “throw rocks at his residence.”

Sunday, May 31
• 4:03 p.m. — A man called 911 and reported that his wife believes she may have found a “shin bone” while mowing in the back yard of their Elmo residence. Police officers took pictures and possession of the bone which has been sent to the state crime lab in Missoula.
• 6:10 p.m. — A bartender at Raleigh’s reported that a man in a wheelchair was dropped off at the bar earlier, had a few drinks, and is now “passed out next door.” The man was checked on by Polson officers who he told that “he was just meditating.”
I hear parking lots and alleyways next to bars are typically the best places to find one’s center and focus on the Chi.
• 9:38 p.m. — A woman called 911 and requested an officer come down as there is a “male yelling in the bushes,” adding that she does not want him there anymore.

911 calls from 5/18-5/25

Monday, May 18
• 10:50 a.m. — A man called 911 to report his neighbor for “littering” as the neighbor was hitting golf balls onto his property.

Wednesday, May 20
• 4:11 p.m. — A female employee at Gambles Hardware called 911 and requested an officer as they had caught two young kids spray painting the side of the building after they had just bought the cans from the store.
• 5:29 p.m. — A 12-year-old boy was reported driving a green Buick in Pablo with two older males who were HBD (had been drinking) in the backseat. Hey, at least they got a designated driver.

Thursday, May 21
• 12:48 p.m. — A man called 911 to report that he is driving northbound back through the Highway 93 construction by Arlee and saw a white Mazda pickup with a canopy over it and there is “a bunch people inside trying to get air” who the driver described as “Mexican.” When they attempted to raise the canopy the reporting party said that the driver got angry and banged on the window.
The man found this “suspicious” and was afraid that “they are Mexicans and with swine flu going on he doesn’t want them around.”

Saturday, May 23
• 6:22 a.m. — A woman advised dispatchers that she was at Kerr Dam Overlook when another woman tried to “run into her with her car.”
• 1:15 p.m. — A man called 911 and advised that his neighbors are still “shooting golf balls” toward his house.
• 2:07 p.m. — A woman called 9 and stated that a young man with a gun and red curly hair is “holding them hostage.” She advised that there are 8-9 women there a few older men who can’t “hold their own anymore.”
Upon police follow-up the call was found to just be a dillusional woman at the nursing home.
• 2:14 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that he had just retrieved a “syringe that still has something in it” from the Ronan park by the “playground equipment.” Ronan officers reported that it looked like “a syringe used for jello shots at the street dance” Friday night.
• 5:58 p.m. — A gas station clerk called 911 to report that there are five people who are “drunk and harassing her customers.” She advised that a male with a blue shirt just “urinated in the corner of the store” and a heavy set female wearing a black hoody just “took a sandwich.”
The clerk advised that they are now sitting “at the picnic table out back.”
• 6:06 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 that she just witnessed a black Toyota pickup with a girl wearing a bathing suit and shorts on the hood screaming “Go faster!” headed towards Ferndale Drive from Kelly Drive.
• 8:28 p.m. — A man called 911 irate that he was “robbed again!” The man advised that “they” took his “light green dog leash” from inside his residence, adding that they did not get his “strawberry or tomato bushes this time” because he just brought them in.
The man said that he went through his residence with a “fine toothed comb” looking for it and can’t find it anywhere.
• 9:13 p.m. — A woman called 911 and reported that her neighbors have “all packed up and left” and was wondering if there is an “emergency” where she needs to “leave town.” Dispatchers advised her that there was indeed no such emergency evacuation situation she had not heard of.
• 10:10 p.m. — A man was reported to 911 for having been bit on the arm by his girlfriend.

Sunday, May 24
• 5:12 p.m. — A female gas station clerk in St. Ignatius called 911 and reported that she had just been “locked inside the store” by some unruly customers.
• 8:18 p.m. — A woman advised that someone had come in her house while she was sleeping and “stole her wedding ring off her finger.” She also told dispatchers a story about growing up and how she “had to bring the cows and horses in while her mother read romance novels.”
The woman said she would like to speak with an officer on this matter “if one is interested.”

Monday, May 25
• 1:51 p.m. — A call came in over the scanner for an officer caution stating that a man with arrest warrants they were trying to locate “is known to have swords and uses drugs.” And kids that’s why drugs and swords, don’t’ mix.

911 calls from 5/11-5/17

Monday, May 11
• 11:30 a.m. — A manager of a Ronan grocery store reported that a shoplifter who stole “plants” from the store yesterday had returned them and he would like to press charges.
• 12:27 p.m. — A woman reported a teen “who took an attitude with her” who was ditching school in Pablo.
• 1:39 p.m. — A manager of a Polson grocery store reported that a customer just “dropped two bags of 25 methadone pills” out of their pocket when they were exiting the store.
• 3:53 p.m. — A woman from Mission called 911 and reported her 15-year-old son “missing” stating that he didn’t come home from school and “she looked everywhere for him.” A Mission police officer on patrol called in that her son was hanging out at the school. So she didn’t exactly look quite “everywhere.”
• 3:54 p.m. — An assistant manager at Wal-Mart advised dispatchers that they have a “marijuana pipe” that someone turned in after finding it in the “lobby.”
• 9:35 p.m. — A woman who misdialed 911 said that she dropped her phone breaking it, snapped it back together, and the phone dialed 911 by itself.

Tuesday, May 12
• 11:02 a.m. — A man reported that he believes his ex-girlfriend stole his hydrocodone and methadone. Did she leave it at the grocery store yesterday per chance?
• 3:11 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 that a flagger along Highway 93 waved her through without checking traffic and she would have been “t-boned by a truck” if she hadn’t checked first.
• 5:26 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 an act of vandalism describing some trees and plants she had recently planted had been pulled up by someone.
• 9:08 p.m. — A Dixon man who turned out to be just “jogging” was called into 911 for a report of “suspicious activity.”
• 10:20 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 that another woman “covered in weeds” jumped out of the bushes and said she needed to hide as it was a “matter of life and death” as there were two men “in camouflage hunting her.” The disoriented woman ended up being detained by police.

Thursday, May 14
• 2:48 p.m. — A woman reported that a man, who they had a prior trespassing conflict with, was now “kicking her fence.”
• 8:08 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that a man at his residence is “trying to kick his ass” and is threatening his mother with a golf club in his hand.
• 8:17 p.m. — A woman called 911 and requested an officer to her home as there are people “drinking” there and “hiding under beds and in closets.”

Friday, May 15
• 12:50 p.m. — A man called 911 and requested to speak to an officer about “his pill” that was stolen 30 days ago.
• 12:58 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that there is a “possible dead body in a plastic bag” at the spillway at Mission Dam. It turned out to be an animal carcass not a human in the bag.
• 1:40 p.m. — Three bikers were reported making fun of a Polson officer outside the Wolf Den bar dubbing him “Mr. Clean.”

Saturday, May 16
• 1:46 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 that her neighbor was “passed out” in his car with the music turned up very loud. When her boyfriend told him to turn it down the disgruntled neighbor got upset and started saying he was “going to get his rifle.”
• 6:27 p.m. — A woman that two people are “high on pot” and headed towards Polson in a black Nissan with “a baby.” When asked how she knew they were high, the reporting party stated “their eyes were all red.”

Sunday, May 17
• 1 a.m. — A female traffic control employee called 911 to report two teenage males who were moving barrels and pylons on the Polson bridge construction area.
• 1:43 a.m. — A Polson officer removed a bicycle from the middle of the road on Hillcrest.
• 4:50 a.m. — A suspicious man was reported “sleeping” in the Ronan Post Office.
• 11:38 a.m. — A manager at a Polson grocery store reported to 911 that two drunk men were wondering in and out of the store and that one was “covered in blood.” They were picked up for disorderly conduct.
• 2:23 p.m. — A man in Mission reported to 911 coming across something that looked like a “pipe bomb” in his yard while mowing the lawn. Mission police and the office of emergency management investigated and the device was found to be a bomb and taken to a secure location to await disposal.
• 8:51 p.m. — A man reported that a dark mini-van has been driving by “flipping off” his 12-year-old daughter.

911 calls from 5/4-5/10

Monday, May 4
• 6:36 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that there is a woman in his window “flipping him off.” He advised dispatchers that she has been harassing him all day calling him names, adding that he can’t stand her as she is “always puking on the porch.”
The man went on to explain that she is a “cannibal” as she took “some guy” home from the bar and “he’s never been seen again.”

Tuesday, May 5
• 12:12 a.m. — A bartender at Pablo Bar requested an officer as she refused an intoxicated male customer a double shot and he “came unglued” before ultimately leaving the establishment.
The bartender advised 911 dispatchers that before he left, the drunk turned and pointed and saying “I leave now, but I will be back.” The bartender apparently took that to be a direct threat and wanted to press charges.
• 8:43 a.m. — A woman called 911 and reported that she received a number of harassing phone calls in the middle of the night with an odd voice on the other end of the line calling her “sunshine.”

Wednesday, May 6
• 8:49 a.m. — A woman called 911 and hung up. Upon a return call she said her phone was broke and she couldn’t see the screen as she misdialed “9-1-1.”
• 12:24 p.m. — A man called 911 and requested to speak an officer regarding his neighbor who is “threatening him while building a fence.” The man advised that the neighbor wasn’t supposed to build a fence without consent from him as they had come to an “agreement” with paperwork to back it up.
The man was advised by dispatchers to “take a seat” while an officer came out to him.
• 6:37 p.m. — A man called 911 and reported that an intoxicated man fell down in front of his residence and started “rolling around on the ground.”

Thursday, May 7
• 12:32 p.m. — A man reported to 91 that a grey Mercedes is parked at the bottom of his driveway and that the male driver “looked intelligent” and said he was with the “census.” The reporting party was concerned that the man’s story may not be true and reported that his house had been burglarized over a month ago.
• 9:27 p.m. — An employee of Harvest Foods in Ronan called 911 and requested an officer to come wait outside as an older male is in the store attempting to steal “a beer” and they would like him picked up when he exits.

Friday, May 8
• 2:44 a.m. — A man came to the Lake County Jail requesting for a place to stay for the night from officers telling them that he was staying with someone in Polson and it had “gone sour.” When officers asked about who he was staying with he said “it’s all good.” Upon looking up his background officers found that he had an extensive criminal history out of Kentucky, Tennessee, Utah, and Florida.
The man added that he had “a few beers” and “all his belongings were still at the bar”, but said he did not know the bar’s name.
• 7:16 a.m. — An employee at a local bakery advised dispatchers that there is a guy who just came in that has “some kind of buzz going on.” The woman stated that she would buy an officer a cup of coffee if they would come over and sit for a while.
• 3:48 p.m. — A man called 911 and requested officers as his 9-year-old granddaughter is being “belligerent and assaulting her sibling.”
• 7:16 p.m. — A man called 911 and reported that he and a friend were just “chillin” outside of a local pawn shop waiting for a friend when a guy came out threatened to call he cops then returned back outside minutes later with “a crow bar and some type of weapon.”
The reporting party advised that the man later came out again to lock his car doors as if they were trying to steal something. Officers said the incident was a misunderstanding and told the reporting party that the lot was private property and to “skateboard somewhere else.” Ah, yet another case of skateboarder profiling.
• 8:41 p.m. — A woman reported that two babies were left unattended in a car outside of Safeway. Officers checked it out and reported that the babies were okay.
• 8:44 p.m. — A 9-year-old boy called 911 and advised that “his baby sitter left him home alone.” You are sooo busted!
• 9:08 p.m. — An officer spoke to some “young skateboarders” at the corner of 1st Street and 13th and advised them to “use better judgment next time.” That’s a bit of an oxymoron.

Saturday, May 9
• 1:09 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 that there is a female standing alongside the road “beating on a teen’s head.”
• 4:08 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 that there is a man with “no clothes on” threatening her and her family.
• 6:02 p.m. — A man reported to 911 a complaint against his neighbor who has been driving his motorcycle back and forth down the street. The man stated the bike must not have a muffler with how loud it is, adding that “it’s so loud you can’t even think.”
• 8:43 p.m. — An officer received a report that some intoxicated people were hanging out in front of the “police station.” Two officers headed that way.

Sunday, May 10
• 9:18 p.m. — An employee at Joe’s Jiffy called 911 and requested an officer as a drunk man just came in and “broke the gumball machine.”

911 calls from 4/27-5/3

Monday, April 27
• 9:40 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that he had just “hit a cow” on Reservoir Road just east of Back Road, adding that he couldn’t “find the cow he hit.”

Thursday, April 30
• 10:42 a.m. — A man called 911 to report that his neighbors keep “throwing trash in yard.”
• 4:02 p.m. — A man was picked up on a $50,000 warrant in Ronan for “stalking.”
• 6:30 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that he has had some problems with his son and now has found “a booby trap in his garage.”

Friday, May 1
• 11:29 a.m. — A man reported finding someone “sleeping in his yard” on 5th Avenue.
• 3:35 p.m. — A woman called 911 and reported that her “eight-year-old son” is “throwing rocks at her”, adding that the rocks “keep getting bigger” in size.
• 11:03 p.m. — A Polson grocery store manager advised 911 dispatchers that two intoxicated people are hanging out in the parking lot and may have stolen some beer describing one as having an “oriental type mustache” with long hair, and the other man was carrying a backpack. The two men were not on scene when police arrived.

Saturday, May 2
• 1:08 a.m. — The same store manager called back and advised that the possible shoplifters are back outside the store and have “used the shrubs earlier for the bathroom.”
• 3:36 p.m. — Area emergency and fire personnel responded to a report of a tipped over sailboat near Dayton and a missing person. The person turned out to have left the scene before the agencies’ arrivals.

Sunday, May 3
• 4:37 a.m. — A woman reported a possible threat to 911 after she fought her ex-boyfriend off with an ice scraper.

911 calls from 4/20-4/26

Monday, April 20
• 8:23 a.m. — A woman called 911 and reported that her neighbor “throws rocks at her dogs” when they’re in their own yard, and also “throws rocks at her house” and then “laughs.”
• 12:44 p.m. — A woman reported a noise disturbance next door and later called back to notify dispatchers that it was “just someone playing tetherball.”
• 6:43 p.m. — A man reported that a “handicapped man” had been “kidnapped” from a residence north of St. Ignatius. The report turned out to be unfounded.
• 7:04 p.m. — A man reported that a “PlayStation2 and some pistols” had been stolen from his Polson residence.

Tuesday, April 21
• 6:11 p.m. — An officer requested an ambulance for a St. Ignatius man laying “nude in his yard”, who had possibly been there for “20 minutes or more.” The man advised that he did not need an ambulance and was “just enjoying the sun.”
• 6:28 p.m. — A woman called 911 and reported that her boyfriend was going “mentally ballistic.” Dispatch requested to speak with the boyfriend who got on the phone and stated that he is not going “mentally ballistic.” The boyfriend did request to speak to an officer as he “does have a lot on his mind.”

Wednesday, April 22
• 7:18 a.m. — The same woman who accused her boyfriend of being “mentally ballistic” called in again and stated that she had just spoken to her dad and advised dispatchers that he is “against drugs” and “really pissed off” at a Helena man whose name we could not release. The woman stated that the man is “dirty and a creep” adding that he “smokes crank” and that she “has seen him do this.”
• 11:23 a.m. — The woman called 911 again regarding the aforementioned issue and requested that dispatchers call “a higher court” than Polson City as she “thinks someone is trying to set her up.”
• 11:41 a.m. — You know who called back requesting to speak with an officer, advising that she has done “nothing wrong” and “is being set up.” Dispatchers told the woman not to call back unless it’s an emergency next time.
• 2:26 p.m. — A patient at St. Luke’s Hospital called 911 and stated that she’s being held in a house against her will and that some people in the house have “her money and her meds” and are threatening to “blow her up.” Dispatchers called the hospital back and confirmed that the woman was a patient and the ward clerk said she would tell the nurse to move the phone away from the patient’s bed.
• 2:46 p.m. — Three shoplifters were reported caught stealing “eye glasses” from a Polson grocery store.
• 5:55 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that his wife had received a strange text message asking if “someone wanted some drugs?”

Thursday, April 23
• 7:33 a.m. — A woman, who needs no introduction, called 911 to advise dispatchers that her boyfriend is headed to the library to drop off books that are supposed to be about “Greek mythology”, but are actually about “how to get away with murder.”
• 8:10 a.m. — The growing famous boyfriend called 911 to report that his girlfriend was “being mean and nasty” wanted to be dropped off at the courthouse. He said she started being mean last night after “reading some Greek mythology book.” The man advised dispatchers that he just wanted them to know that she was at the courthouse now.
• 9:23 a.m. — The girlfriend is on the phone now calling 911 to let dispatchers know that her boyfriend is giving her a ride to the hospital to “get her meds.” To be continued ... ? Read on.
• 2:53 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that he received a letter in the mail saying that a man with his last name but the wrong first name is being sued for $7,000. The man said he did not know who it was, got angry, and “threw the letter in the stove and burned it.”
• 4:05 p.m. — She’s baaaaack. An HBD (had been drinking) woman called 911 stating “breaker 1-9, breaker 1-9” and that she was “headed to Town Pump for cigarettes.” Dispatchers advised her that she shouldn’t be driving to which she said she wasn’t, her boyfriend is. When asked if her boyfriend had been drinking the woman replied “yes.” Dispatchers advised them that they should not be driving to which the woman replied “okay.” Officers were sent to check out Town Pump.

Friday, April 24
• 9:45 a.m. — A man reported that he just found a “drunk woman passed out in his front yard.” Even for Friday standards, a bit early isn’t it? This is where the “it’s five o’clock somewhere” line MUST be drawn.

Saturday, April 25
• 12:41 a.m. — A very HBD (had been drinking) woman called 911 and reported that “the bars on Main Street are being very loud,” and then hung up.
• 3:39 p.m. — A woman, yes that one, called 911 and reported that she is “okay” but “can’t stand [her boyfriend] anymore” so she went to the store and bought a “pint of vodka” before returning home. Dispatchers reminded her that it wasn’t a good idea to drink with all the medicines she’s on, to which she responded that it didn’t matter a “whole hell of a lot” as she has “no liver, no heart, and no appendix.”

Sunday, April 26
• 6:13 a.m. — An anonymous person reported a party with drinking going on at a nearby residence where a man was outside “yelling and shooting around.”

Archives — Calls from 4/13-4/18

Monday, April 13
• 12:13 a.m. — A manager from a Polson grocery store called 911 to report a man who was caught stealing the charitable donation jar.
• 8:31 p.m. — A woman reported that her car battery had been stolen on 12th Avenue in Polson.

Tuesday, April 14
• 10:15 a.m. — Regarding the trailer court human waste slinging incident on April 10 (see last issue), an environmental health representative called 911 to report that she had gotten two calls from a resident there who made threats to “shoot the manager” if he came around their trailer again.
The disgruntled resident advised her that the human waste was not theirs, rather someone had “planted it on them.”
• 1:02 p.m. — A report of a grass fire in the rural Ronan area was called into 911 but turned out to be a false alarm as the “flames” were actually an “orange flag” in the field.
• 6:27 p.m. — A woman called 911 and asked why no one had been arrested for “assaulting her daughter with a hammer” last week.
• 7:02 p.m. — A Ronan hotel manager reported that a man wearing jeans and a blue sweatshirt was ducking down by her car and that when she went to check what was going on the male started saying “****” and using other foul language.
• 10:55 p.m. — A woman called 911 and advised that someone is “ringing her doorbell” and she doesn’t want to see who it is, requesting that an officer come by and “check it out.”

Wednesday, April 15
• 8:20 a.m. — A man reported that a propane tank was stolen from the yard at his Third Avenue residence. Upon police follow-up, turned out that Polson Propane had come and picked up their own tank from the man’s yard.
• 10:27 a.m. — A man reported to 911 dispatchers that he had a young suspect who may have been involved in shoplifting incidents at Dairy Queen and Ronan Power Products last week.
• 11:48 p.m. — A female patient called 911 and requested an officer to her room at St. Luke’s Hospital as she “feels she is in danger.” The woman advised that “strange things” have been happening with “trees falling all around the building” and “strange lights shining into her room.”

Thursday, April 16
• 8:01 a.m. — A woman reported that someone had run over her fence on Mission Dam Road and drove off.
• 7:44 p.m. — A man called 911 and reported that an “11 to 12 year old girl” keeps calling and “harassing” him and his sons.

Friday, April 17
• 11:22 a.m. — A man reported to 911 dispatchers that he was trying to get a “haircut appointment” and had called the hair dresser “six or seven times.” He advised that he then received a call from a different woman telling him “not to call her anymore” and that the hair dresser didn’t want to cut his hair and is going to get a “restraining order on him.”
The man wished to speak to an officer “face-to-face” as this is an “important situation” regarding filing a harassment report on the third party that returned his haircut call. The third party told police that the reporting party was a “stalker.”
As Uncle Joey would say on Full House, somebody needs to “cut-it-out.”
• 5:23 p.m. — An anonymous woman reported to 911 that a man and woman were fighting across the street as she saw “arms flying” before the two “disappeared between the trailers.” Both were described as “heavy-set”, probably had been drinking, and the male was reportedly “not wearing a shirt.”
Two women were arrested in the incident for violating probation and fighting.
• 11:04 p.m. — A woman called 911 and reported that “her neighbor” was in Warm Springs (a state mental hospital) this morning, she was admitted and then she “disappeared” and now is her “next door neighbor again.”
The reporting party stated that Warm Springs can “back her up” on this, and they “are not happy.” The woman further advised dispatchers that she’s concerned and does not trust her neighbor because she “runs around with needles and crack.”

Saturday, April 18
• 8:02 a.m. — The same woman that called in late Friday night called back 911 to report that she is “okay”, adding that she was scared last night, but went to sleep and is okay now and just “wanted us to know that.”
• 9:48 a.m. — The aforementioned woman came into the Lake County Courthouse to visit with the Sheriff’s Office about “clone paperwork” regarding “aliens living at Warm Springs.” Officers advised the woman to go home and “get some sleep.”

Archives — Calls from 4/6-4/11

Monday, April 6
• 12:58 a.m. — A man called 911 and advised that he is “getting ready to kill his neighbor” as they have had ongoing issues with each other for the last 13-15 years. He told dispatchers that he doesn’t have any weapons as he doesn’t believe in them, adding that if he kills his neighbor it will be with “his bare hands.”
The man’s cause was that his neighbor’s “cows” always come into his yard and “**** and piss in it” and now he can’t grow anything. He added that he was extremely drunk and would not call back again tonight.
• 1:53 a.m. — A woman wanted a man removed from her residence after she reported he had just come at her with a “knife” and later claimed to be having a “flashback to Vietnam.”
• 4:41 p.m. — A woman reported that she was “shot last year” by her “neighbor” when they were practice shooting and one of the rounds ricocheted off a rock before hitting her. She added that the neighbors are shooting again as she heard a couple “big blasts”, stating that they have “assault rifles and everything.”

Tuesday, April 7
• 12:26 p.m. — A woman called into 911 and reported two children who were “running towards the park” in Ronan.
• 5:57 p.m. — A man advised 911 dispatchers that an intoxicated man who just hit a house with a car is now walking in the middle of the road near the Pablo fire hall.
• 7:18 p.m. — A woman reported that older kids playing around a car in front of the pet store are “putting the smaller children in the trunk.” Officers advised that the kids are just playing around and everyone is okay.

Wednesday, April 8
• 6:29 a.m. — An officer reporting seeing a camper camping in different spots along Hwy 83 over the past two weeks and stated that he believes it’s the same man who hung out in the area so long last year that “people got donations to help him leave the area.”
• 8:51 a.m. — A business owner reported someone tried to steal her “silk flower pot” outside her store but the pot was chained to the wall so in an attempt to remove it the failed thieves “pulled so hard they broke the window frame.”
• 1:45 p.m. — A man wearing a black hoodie was reported for “suspicious activity” while walking down Terrace Lake Road carrying a “vase with a big red rose in it.” Suspicious indeed?
• 3:36 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 dispatchers that her kids came home “freaking out” because there was a male “passed out in the park with his pants part way down.” Mr. Sleepy ended up getting a ride downtown for being drunk in public.
• 6:29 p.m. — A man reported to 911 that he received his “medical marijuana” package but 3/4 out it was missing. He advised dispatchers that he ordered an ounce but only received 1/4 ounce in the package which was tampered with and “taped up on the outside.”
The reporting party suspects the UPS driver, who is not their regular driver, was the pot culprit.

Thursday, April 9
• 3:44 a.m. — A man called “911” and was reportedly “trying to call a friend.” When told he had called “911” the caller seemed very surprised stating he “must have miss-dialed.”
• 5:01 p.m. — A woman reported that there are two females out front kicking “the **** out of her boyfriend’s pickup.” When officers arrived on scene no one was found and the reported truck had “no damage.”
• 11:03 p.m. — A bouncer at the South Shore Lounge reported that an HBD (had been drinking) woman “came in swinging at a male at the bar” and then refused to leave. The woman was arrested for endangerment as she had children with her waiting in the car.

Friday, April 10
• 2:05 a.m. — A woman called 911 requesting to speak with an officer regarding her husband how is being “unruly” and just “poured three cans of soda on her and on the carpet.”
• 10:19 a.m. — A woman reported that she needs an officer ASAP as her son is “drunk and getting violent with the walls in the back bedroom.”
• 12:46 p.m. — A man called 911 to report a woman in his trailer park just “took a bucket of human waste and threw it out beside her camper.” The caller advised dispatchers that the tenant is “unruly” and had been evicted before for “throwing human waste all over” the trailer park’s lavatory.
• 2:52 p.m. — A woman called 911 from the lobby in the county courthouse stating that she has “two tickets” and “wants to do her time.” She added that she hadn’t seen the judge and wouldn’t see him until Monday, but was still going to sit in the lobby “until she did her time.”
When detention officers went out to get her she had already left.
• 3:30 p.m. — The same woman from earlier called back 911 from home still wanting to “do her time for the tickets”, asking dispatchers “why don’t you just put me in jail forever, for a thousand years.”
When dispatchers told her she would have to wait to be see the judge on Monday, she said “fine” and hung up.

Saturday, April 11
• 1:35 a.m. — An anonymous caller reported that a man had just “kicked through a car windshield” outside the South Shore Lounge. Chuck Norris much?
• 3:44 p.m. — A woman reported to 911 an instance of “suspicious activity” stating that she had just “seen something on the hill.” She then advised that she could now see “the horses that ran over the hill and made a huge cloud of dust.”